One of the most important challenges when standing for marriage restoration is recognizing and overcoming unforgiveness because it’s like a poison pill to our stand for marriage restoration. In fact, I’d venture to say that most men and women standing for marriage restoration feel pretty sure that we have forgiven our spouses, and often have a very difficult time admitting that it’s still an issue, even after saying or doing something proving otherwise. Yet if we’re still offended, hurt, or experience an emotional reaction to something, we have not forgiven it, according to God’s standards for forgiveness; which we know based on the following verses:

Hebrews 8:12 – For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”

Psalm 103:12 – For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Isaiah 43:25 – “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.

How amazing and incredible it is to know that the Lord forgives us and remembers our sins no more FOR HIS OWN SAKE! And surely if it is something the Lord does for His own sake, we should understand that it’s for our own sake that we need to forgive others; especially our one flesh covenant mates. And there are many verses making it very clear that God forgives us ONLY AS we forgive others, such as the following passages of scripture:

Luke 11:4 – Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.”

Matthew 6:14-15 – For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Luke 6:37 – “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

And The parable of The Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:21-35 leaves absolutely no doubt about the correlation between how we forgive and how we are forgiven!

Then, in addition to restating that the Lord forgives us only as we forgive others, Mark 11:24-25 gives us another very important reason to guard our hearts against unforgiveness, because it says Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” So there’s a direct connection between how the Lord responds to our prayers and a lack of forgiveness in our hearts. And the Lord expects us to SEEK forgiveness as well as give it, which we know based on Matthew 5:23-24, because it says “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

And what a powerful verse Luke 7:47 is for everyone standing for marriage restoration, because it says Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” And this is not the only place we see love and forgiveness hand in hand, because in describing love, 1 Corinthians 13:5 says It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Ouch…that “keeps no record of wrongs” part is a really tough one; yet that’s exactly what true forgiveness and unconditional love requires!

FAM members are often surprised and even upset when I suggest that they sill harbor unforgiveness toward their spouses because they honestly believe they don’t. Yet that’s hard to deny when considering some of the things they have said, because when we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts, even on a subconscious level, it WILL come out of our mouths sooner or later, and more than likely at the worst possible moment! From our hearts our mouths speak, so when we have unforgiveness in our hearts, it WILL eventually come out, no matter how hard we try to hide it because as Luke 6:45 declares, The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Fortunately, as Psalm 139 reveals, God knows all there is to know about us an He will be ever so faithful to hear and answer when we pray psalm 139:23-24, which says Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. And as I’ve personally experienced and witnessed in the lives of so many others, God seems to be particularly faithful to answer this prayer, and He seems to do so very quickly and thoroughly, which tends to be a very painful process. But it’s often a very necessary process for the healing that needs to take place in US so we can truly forgive our spouses and thus create the atmosphere of grace that’s required for redemption, which is important because without redemption, restoration is not possible. So I hope and pray that everyone standing for marriage restoration will be able to recognize and overcome unforgiveness because when we do, we are the ones who are truly blessed and encouraged!

Posted Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 at 11:21 pm in Seeds Of Faith.