May We All Learn to Forgive and Love Unconditionally by Virginia
(Note from Linda: Virginia shared the following post on the private site and since it goes along with so many of the recent conversations I’ve have with other FAM members over the past week and something the Lord has been showing me in my own love walk, I appreciate her permission to share it here as well. The Lord has been showing me that HIS kind of love (UNCONDITIONAL AND UNFAILING) is not about getting our own needs met, and that the most fulfilling and rewarding love GIVES to meet the needs of those we love. And since God had also used the way parents love their children to help me better understand that, I was really amazed when I first read how He had also been speaking to Virginia about the same thing. But God first put that on my heart just before Christmas last year and I actually wrote about it on Christmas Day in a Seeds Of Faith post, Love Gives! And since giving love definitely requires forgiveness and that’s also been the topic of many conversations in the past few days, I’ll be reposting some of the archived Seeds Of Faith posts about forgiveness the rest of this week. So let’s all focus on improving our love walk because our spouses will not “feel” loved until we learn to love according to THEIR needs instead of our own. And when our love is rooted in getting our self centered needs and desires met, it isn’t UNCONDITIONAL, and it can’t be unfailing. Yet the Bible teaches us that UNFAILING love is what every man/woman desires (Proverbs 19:22! And when we learn to demonstrate unconditional love and give to meet the needs of our mates, WE are the ones who will be blessed and encouraged when that love is returned!)
Hello My FAMM Family!
I want to share something that has been on my heart and mind, which I pray will bless someone because you need to hear it; whether for the first time or for the hundredth time.
What is forgiveness? Webster’s dictionary defines forgiveness as “an act of excusing a mistake or offense.” Even though most of us will say that we forgive someone when they tell us they are sorry, do we truly understand what that means? Unfortunately, we are rarely actually capable of really grasping the unrestricted measure of what is being asked for and granted. We might mean it at the moment, but more times than not, we keep a small part of our pain, disappointment, anger and unforgiveness hidden. And the next time that offense occurs again, or something similar, we remember it because we have kept a record of the wrong. We even keep a tally and hold onto a grudge and use it as a weapon in the next argument. But that is not what FORGIVENESS is. And that is not what LOVE does.
LOVE is giving with out the expectation of receiving; which is such a simple concept and something parents do very willingly with their children. And more times than not, it’s done without a word of complaint. Parents of a newborn know that their child depends completely on them; because they depend on them for food, shelter and their daily care in general. And what do parents get in return? Absolutely nothing, because the baby is unable to express Love in return for the love demonstrated to them. All the baby is able to do is cry, go potty, and sleep, and there is no real interaction from the baby that expresses love for their parent. The newborn has no concept of what communication to the parent is; much less the capacity to express it, other than to cry, or whimper, which are just natural inborn behaviors. But as parents, we give unconditional LOVE. We give and give…and give and give again; never expecting or demanding anything in return. We repeatedly forgive our babies for messy diapers and when they toss up on our new shirt. Why?…because that’s UNCONDITIONAL love and UNCONDITIONAL forgiveness. So we ARE capable of giving unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness. As parents, we don’t demand that the baby repents for the mistake, or makes an apology, or even acknowledges that an offense took place. We don’t ask for that or even expect it. Instead, we give the baby what is commanded of us by God; unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness.
WOW! What a concept. Every one of us is capable of that, and every one of us is given the desire and ability to achieve it. Yet, we just refuse to do it when it comes to our spouses. But as Christians, NO limits should be placed on our love and forgiveness; ABSOLUTELY NONE. Do we have a limit of how many times we will forgive a baby for spitting up on our clean shirt? How about crying in the middle of the night due to hunger?)
Luke 17:4 – If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”
But what about when someone does something to us and isn’t aware or doesn’t seem to care that it hurt us? And what if they don’t ask or say they are sorry or even acknowledge the wrong? In fact, they might even blame us instead of acknowledging their own responsibility for it. Yes, forgiveness is often very hard to do. But it is still in our POWER to forgive, and it is something we’re capable of doing and God even commands us to do it.
Matthew 5:44-45 (NKJV) – But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
I sat and thought about this a long time, along with all of the things we hear the world (our family and friends) say about getting on with our lives and how we shouldn’t put up with this or that because we “deserve” better and we can find someone “new.” Unfortunately, I began to believe the things I was hearing, and I started to doubt my stand. I questioned every detail, but there was this small quiet voice that kept saying “WAIT!! Listen!! That is not TRUE!!” So I waited and waited; and I waited some more. I also got very still and I listened. And I heard “How many times am I allowed to sin? How many times am I allowed to offend? How many times am I allowed to hurt the LORD? How many times am I allowed to make the same mistake? How many times am I allowed to fall before the LORD throws up his hands and says forget it?! I give up on you. How many times…five times…nine times…twenty times…one hundred times?” How many times!! My goodness! When I heard that, I cried. I cried to the Lord, and asked for forgiveness for doubting that HE would not give me the ability and strength to do what HE ask me to do.
Again, I sat there… and really began to look at things in my life. I kept saying to myself, “I want to show love, and I want to show forgiveness. I want to have a soft heart. I want to be the good wife, mother, friend and person GOD has created me to be.” And I kept asking God why I had to forgive when I felt so wronged and so hurt, and then I remembered something. I remembered Matthew 6:14-16, which says For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
So I began thinking that I want to get rid of this grudge that has been following me around. I want to be able to look at someone and say “I love you…I forgive you” and mean it like the LORD ask and commands me to. I knew all of the details, and I knew I had all of the tools. But I still felt that I did not have enough in me to accomplish that because it seemed so enormous, so overwhelming and TOO difficult! I had too much pain, too much anger and too many everythings to accomplish such a mountainous feat. So I felt defeated before even beginning. And then I remembered Philippians 4:13 (NKJV), which declares that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
WOW! Everything I do is not done alone. Every time I get hurt, or feel crushed or that things are unbearable, I can rely on strength from Christ to get through it. And I know He will never leave me comfortless. He is always with me, so how could I question His presence or power in my life and my ability to give forgiveness, or that He would not enable me to give complete and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. But I can’t say that I have not stumbled or fallen, or that I will never make a mistake. But the difference for me and hopefully for others, is the knowledge that we will be lifted up. We can reach out and grasp the hand of the Lord, dust ourselves off and start all over again because there is NO LIMIT TO GOD’S FORGIVENESS and there is NO LIMIT TO HIS LOVE. PRAISE GOD!!
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NLT) – Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
That last verse is a great source of encouragement, and a reminder of what is expected of me, and also what I can expect from My Lord in my life. So I pray that I will continue to show Love and Forgiveness as it is always given to me. This was a very difficult concept for me to apply to my spouse, but once I did, the amount of peace I experienced was great. So I pray that everyone standing for marriage restoration will remember that our Heavenly Father will always give us strength when we need it and ask Him into all areas of our lives.
Love in Christ,
Virginia