Everyone standing for marriage restoration knows all about the seemingly unbearable pain, disappointment and sense of rejection experienced when one’s spouse chooses to abandon their marriage vows, and no amount of faith in God keeps anyone from feeling that. Yet, in the same way there is no sin in being tempted, only in how we might respond when tempted, God is a lot more concerned about how we respond when dealing with separation and divorce than with our human emotions. So we have to look to His Word to understand what God expects of us and His purpose is in allowing this time in our lives. And we gain valuable insight into that by reading today’s devotional by Dr. Charles Stanley, The Path of Brokenness, which was a powerful message shared by one of the FAM members on the private website this morning.

When we recognize that God does indeed have a purpose for what we’re going through right now, and that His purpose is always for our good and to bring glory to Jesus Christ, the best thing to do is to yield to His purpose and accept that our circumstances can be used for the Lord’s glory and be worked to our good, as promised in Romans 8:28 (NASB), which says And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. And since the Word assures us that the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8), and Genesis 50:20 states You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives., we have God’s Word that HE is indeed allowing AND USING EVERYTHING that we’re going through for our good and to save many others; all of which He does for the praise and glory of Jesus Christ. And that’s confirmed in Ephesians 1:11-14, which says In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.

So we have to ask ourselves IF we REALLY believe God’s Word; because if we TRULY believe it, it has the power to bring peace, healing and joy to our hearts, minds and spirits in the very midst of our trials, and just like Peter, as long as we keep our eyes on Jesus, we can safely walk above the storms raging around us. But as soon as we begin to look at our circumstances and what we see our spouses doing or not doing and what we hear or don’t hear them saying, we are going to sink (Matthew 14)!

Just about every man and woman standing for marriage restoration that I’ve ever talked to has at some time or another said “It’s hard…I just can’t do this.”…or something very similar. And that’s true, because we can’t AS LONG AS WE KEEP TRYING TO DO IT IN OUR OWN STRENGTH! But as Ephesians 1:14 says, Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. So our ability to walk out what God has called us to do for the glory of Jesus Christ is GUARANTEED through the Holy Spirit at work in us! Even Jesus Himself told us that apart from Him, we can’t do ANYTHING, but that when we remain in Him and His Word remains in us, we can bear much fruit and that WHATEVER we ask will be given to us (John 15:5-7!

Sadly, in addition to demonstrating that we are standing for marriage restoration in our own strength when we focus more on how hard it is or conclude that we can’t do it, we are actually calling God a liar or saying that we don’t believe in the power and promise of His Word, because 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV) says And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. And Philippians 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Therefore, many men and women standing for marriage restoration have allowed their thoughts of hopelessness and giving up to become strongholds in their hearts, minds or spirits and they aren’t even attempting to take them captive by making them obedient to Christ/the Word of God, even though they are clearly arguments and pretensions setting themselves up against the knowledge of God (2 Corinthians 10:3-6).

Unfortunately, few Christians realize that the Bible actually tells us that we are indeed going to suffer as Christians. In fac, Romans 8:17 leaves no doubt of that, because it says Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Yet we seem to want and expect to experience the glory of Christ without sharing in His suffering, which just isn’t going to happen. Jesus made that very clear in Luke 9:23, which says Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. By saying that we have to take up our crosses to follow Him, Jesus obviously meant that we have to crucify our flesh every day; probably many times a day! But most of us have not yet mastered denying ourselves and taking up our crosses, which is why we tend to be focused on OUR pain, disappointment, and feelings of rejection instead of recognizing how much Jesus suffered to give us victory over every weapon brought against us and our marriages. Yet, for some reason, it seems easier to see ourselves as victims instead of the victors Jesus died to make us. But what a difference it makes when we understand the power and promise of Romans 5:3-5, which says Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

So instead of being overwhelmed by our emotions, we should embrace them as the growing pains necessary to get us where God wants us and that He does indeed have purpose in allowing our present trials and that it’s all meant for our good and for His glory. Yes, even in our suffering, God has purpose, as we see in 2 Corinthians 1, which says Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. So instead of focusing on the pain, disappointment, and rejection of separation and divorce, let’s follow Jesus and glorify Him by taking up our crosses each day as we walk through this time to the glorious and victorious futures God already has planned for us when we allow our suffering to be used for His glory and to help bring comfort to others we encounter on God’s predestined journey to our fully restored marriages and families! And when we learn to embrace and yield to the work God is doing in and through us, we will indeed be blessed and encouraged beyond belief as we grow in our walk and relationship with the Lord!

It’s quite surprising to realize how easily we come up with and accept some of the things we do about God and what He does, even though we would know they aren’t true if we’d just take the time to fully consider them and how they measure up with what is word teaches.

For instance, most of us have heard or even said ourselves that God tests us so He knows what is in our hearts or to find out if we really trust Him and whether or not we will obey Him. Yet, based on many passages of scripture, we know that’s just not true. Psalm 139, particularly verses 1-4, leaves no doubt that nothing about us is hidden from God, and that He knows ALL there is to know about us; what we think, how we feel, what we’re going to say, and even when and where we’re coming and going. Yet, after acknowledging that God ALREADY knows all there is to know about him, David still asks God to “search him and know his heart and to “test” him and know his anxious thoughts and to see if there is any “offensive” way in him. And THEN He asks the Lord to lead him “in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24 says Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I often suggest that men and women standing for marriage restoration read Psalm 139 and ask the Lord to search them and test them and reveal if there is any offensive way in them. However, I also caution them that it’s a very powerful prayer; one that God seems to answer very quickly and that it really hurts when He does! Since David first acknowledged that God ALREADY knew all there was to know about him, why would he then ask God to search and test him and see if there was any offensive way in him? I believe the anser is in verse 6, which says Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. And as Jeremiah 17:9-10 makes clear, The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.” Obviously, we can’t even know our own hearts; yet we know that the words we speak reveal the content of our hearts according to Luke 6:45, which says The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. So that means that the words we speak when the Lord tests us, along with the thoughts from which they originate, reveals to US AND OTHERS what is REALLY in our hearts. And since we know that unforgiveness, self-righteousness, being judgmental toward others, hatred and other ungodly thoughts and attitudes hinder the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, it’s important to ask God to search and test us to reveal any “offensive” way in us, so that we can be led into His everlasting way! And the following passages of scripture verify, confirm and reveal an awful lot about when and why God tests us.

1 Corinthians 3:13 – For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work.

Ecclesiastes 3:18 – I also thought, “As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals.

Exodus 20:20 – Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.”

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 – Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

Deuteronomy 8:16 – He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you.

Jeremiah 9:6-7 – You live in the midst of deception; in their deceit they refuse to acknowledge me,” declares the LORD. Therefore this is what the LORD Almighty says: “See, I will refine and test them, for what else can I do because of the sin of my people?

Lamentations 3:39-40 – Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins? Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD.

James 1:12 – Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Hebrews 11:17-19 – By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.

Isaiah 48:10-11 – See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another.

Job 23:10 – But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Psalm 66:10 – For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver.

James 1:2-4 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Based on the above passages of scripture, it’s pretty apparent that God doesn’t test us to find out what is in our hearts, what we’ll do or how much we trust Him, because He already knows that and more. But God does test us to correct and discipline us and to reveal to US and others what is in our hearts and where we stand with Him. When we buy a tube of toothpaste, we have every reason to believe that only toothpaste will come out when we squeeze it. But we can’t really be absolutely certain of that until we actually squeeze it and see what comes out. In the same way, we quite often think that we’ve come a long way in our walk and relationship with the Lord and that we’ve gotten rid of the yuk (bitterness, unforgiveness, self-righteousness, hatred, pride, being judgmental, etc.) in us, but when the Lord examines our hearts and thoughts and hears our words, He knows better. But due to our naturally deceitful hearts, we aren’t aware of what God and even others see so clearly, so God squeezes us and the yuk comes out and then we realize that there’s still more work to do! When silver is refined, it’s considered “pure” only when the fire burns away all of the impurities, which is what God always does in us and why He tests us repeatedly. Since we’re here to bring praise, honor and glory to Jesus Christ, and we can’t do that when we’re full of yuk and living contrary to the written Word of God, He uses times of testing in our lives to bring us into right relationship with Him and into HIS will, plan and purpose. So the sooner we understand the reason for the test, the sooner we can do whatever it takes to pass the next time and then move into God’s GOOD plan for our lives. And in His infinite love, mercy and grace, God is ever so faithful to give us the test over and over again until we pass it and are ready to move on to the next one! So the next time we’re tested, let’s be sure to ask God to reveal why so we can rely on HIS grace and strength as we stand on the power and promise of His Word for the full and complete restoration of our marriages and families and be blessed and encouraged!

I just posted a link to the following testimony on the private website a little earlier to help encourage one of our members who is running into nothing but closed doors as she tries to find Section 8 housing (she now has the vouchers, but the guidelines make it very difficult to find places that meet them or where landlords will take the vouchers). And after reading it again, I thought it might encourage others going through difficult times today as well. So read Trusting &Relying On God…No Matter What, and be blessed and encouraged!

One of the surest ways to end up divorced when standing for marriage restoration and trying to overcome marital problems is to seek marriage counseling from the wrong people, which unfortunately all too often includes pastors and so called “Christian” counselors. I can’t even count the times I’ve been totally horrified to hear the ungodly advice given to men and women seeking help from their pastors or Christian counselors when their marriages were in trouble. It just breaks my heart to hear men and women say that their insistence on marriage counseling in an effort to save their marriages actually led to their demise instead. Unfortunately, few pastors and even Christian marriage counselors truly believe the Word of God; much less that it’s possible to rely on the work of the Holy Spirit and the power and promise of God’s Word to change hearts and bring about marriage restoration. And by the time those seeking what they reasonably expected to be godly counsel realize their mistake, the damage is done and their spouses have more than likely already moved out of the home or filed for divorce. So they’re much worse off than before because the counsel they received just served to magnify and validate the problems and belief that restoration was impossible.

Yet, this comes as no surprise when we understand and appreciate the wisdom found in Psalm 1:1-3 (AMP), which says BLESSED (HAPPY, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather. But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night. And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity]. But it’s ONLY when our delight and desire is in the Word of God and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) we habitually meditate (ponder and study) by day and by night, that we can recognize and avoid the destructive danger of ungodly counsel and be blessed when our stand for marriage restoration prospers and comes to maturity. In other words, we can’t possibly recognize ungodly counsel if we don’t know the Word of God since anything contrary or in opposition to the written Word of God is ungodly.

Even though there are many examples of the counsel provided by most pastors and Christian counselors that are totally contrary to the Word of God and lead to the demise of so many marriages, the following are just a few of the most common.

The first thing most pastors and counselors ask couples to do is to discuss their grievances with each other in great detail; requiring them to dig into the past and relive all of the painful and hurtful things that caused their problems in the first place, which naturally brings up all of those emotions along with the anger, resentment and bitterness that usually accompany them.. So right off the bat, that’s contrary to what Paul taught in Philippians 3:12-14, where he said Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Unfortunately, reliving and examining past failures, wrongs and offenses does not and can not promote or nurture love based on the following verses of scripture:
1 Peter 4:8 – Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Proverbs 10:12 – em>Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
Proverbs 17:9 – He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
So based on God’s Word, we shouldn’t be at all surprised that repeating past offenses leads to separation instead of restoration. And asking men and women to dig up the past clearly flies in the face of God’s instructions to forgive each other as He forgives us (Colossians 3:13). And that means forgiving whatever has been done against us for our own sake and remembering it no more; just as God does according to Isaiah 43:25; “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more. And that’s confirmed again in Hebrews 8:12, which says For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” So digging up and reliving past offenses is obviously not in keeping with the counsel of God’s Word; thus exactly what the Bible considers counsel of the ungodly and warns us to avoid if we want to be BLESSED!

Almost without exception, pastors and Christian counselors advise men and women standing for marriage restoration that their spouses have “free will” and that God won’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. But that’s just not true based on the Word of God. In fact, it’s so contrary to the Word that it’s been the topic for numerous Seeds Of Faith posts, such as Revisiting the Doctrine of Free Will. The false doctrine of “free will” might well do more damage to marriage restoration than any other ungodly counsel, because it’s not possible to effectively stand for marriage restoration without recognizing that man’s will NEVER succeeds against the will, plan and purpose of God Almighty!

One of the most unfortunate things pastors and counselors tend to do is pit one spouse against the other, and they almost always take sides instead of helping them better understand their respective roles based on God’s Word. Even as pastors and Christian counselors, they rarely refer to God’s Word concerning marriage; such as God hates divorce and that HE said marriage is a one flesh covenant that NO MAN should put asunder. They don’t remind couples that NOTHING is impossible with God or that His grace is sufficient and that we can do ALL things through Christ Jesus Who strengthens us; because they just don’t believe it. So either the husband or wife or both end up feeling like total failures, worthless, inadequate and that their marriage is hopeless and damaged beyond repair, and they give up and often give in to ungodly behavior they might well have been willing to resist if given even a little bit of hope for restoration and the marriage they always wanted but weren’t able to attain. And the ONLY way to help men and women attain the marriages God always intended is to teach them how to live according to God’s Word. Yet that is not the counsel given by most pastors or Christian counselors today, which is why it’s often so destructive and actually a hindrance to marriage restoration. The only marriage counseling any of us should ever consider is that found in the Word of God, meaning that those we rely on for help when we need support and encouragement to stand on the power and promise of God’s Word for the restoration of our marriages should simply be facillitators to help us better understand HIS counsel.

As Jesus made undeniably clear in Luke 6:46-49, when we hear His words and PRACTICE them, our homes can’t be shaken and they will withstand the storms of life. But when we hear His words and DON’T PRACTICE them, our homes can’t withstand the storms of life and they will come down with a great crash and their destruction will be complete. So ANY counsel contrary to the Word is indeed ungodly counsel and instead of being blessed with marriage restoration when we listen to it, believing and acting on such counsel will likely lead to our marriages being utterly put asunder and destroyed. But when we walk and live in the wise and good counsel of God’s Word, we will indeed be blessed and encouraged and our marriages will be restored; all for the glory of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!

Since Jesus very clearly taught that the most important thing to do in obedience to God is to keep HIM first above ALL other THINGS; to love Him with ALL of our hearts, souls, minds, and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves; Jesus is supposed to be the main thing in our lives. But is He? Sadly, in light of our most persistent thoughts and the words of our mouths, the honest answer to that question is probably not. So as we consider the following verses of scripture, it’s also important to consider what we need to do to make sure that we are in fact putting the Lord first and making Him the most important and main thing in our lives, because failure to do so is sin and can therefore hinder our prayers and how God works in our lives and the restoration of our marriages and families.

Mark 12:29-31 says “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” This is not a new passage of scripture to most of us, but do we ever consider it in light of some of the other passages we so love?

For instance, do we think of this instruction from Jesus when we quote Proverbs 3:5-6 and Psalm 37:4-6? How can we commit to His ways or acknowledge God in all of our ways if we don’t observe and obey His most important commandment and love Him above ALL else, as well as love others according to His Word? Do we even realize that our failure to obey the Lord reveals that we don’t truly love Him according to John 14:24, where Jesus said He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me. Yet, 1 John 2:5-6 says But if anyone obeys his word, God’s love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. And we know how Jesus walked based on John 15:10, which says If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love.

For instance, do we recognize the importance of Jesus’ instructions when we read Matthew 6:21, which says For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.? And do we realize that we literally reveal to everyone listening just where our treasure is by the words we speak? Well, we do according to Luke 6:45, because it says The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. With this in mind, there’s a lot to learn from today’s Coffee Break devotional from Lorraine Ezell, and we all need to consider what our words reveal to others about where our treasure is.

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Change The Subject by Lorraine Ezell
“Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” Job 7:11

As you watch the news you realize that if something wasn’t happening- a storm, an election, a murder trial, a custody battle, a war, etc- they wouldn’t have anything to talk about. When something does make “news”, the reporters “run it in the ground”, that is ALL they talk about. It seems as if the world stopped and nothing else is taking place. I noticed this as I watched the weather channel today. Every moment was consumed with Gustav (don’t misunderstand, I am thankful for the updates and information they provide, but I am trying to make a point.) I wondered what they would have to talk about if there was no storm?

Sadly, there are a lot of people- even in the church- who are like this. If there isn’t something “bad” happening, they don’t have anything to talk about. They spend all their time talking about the trouble they are going through, or have been through. It’s the only subject that comes out of their mouth. Each time you see them, they repeat it to you.. over and over again. You ask them how they are and they go right back to this same subject. You always know what they are going to say before they say it.

I am not trying to be critical. I know that very real things happen to us. I know that there are times we need to relate what we are going through. I know that sometimes we need a compassionate hear to listen. This is not what I am talking about. What I am talking about is deeper than that. It has become a “security blanket” to them. And even deeper– it’s become a bondage. They reach a point where they can’t talk about anything else. If that is you— it’s time to break free. It’s time to leave it in the past. It’s time to develop a new habit of talking. It’s time to change your speaking. It’s time to get a new subject. There is so much more to talk about.

God desires that our mouths be full of words that edify, minister, comfort and exhort others. It’s time to put the law of kindness in your mouth. It’s time to fill it
with good things. It’s time to fill it with words of faith that tend to life. It’s time to fill it with words of peace, wisdom and joy. It’s time to fill it with praise, adoration and thanksgiving to the Lord. It’s time to talk more about the grace, forgiveness, mercy, goodness and faithfulness of God. There are a thousand other things you can fill your mouth with, and it’s time to do it.

Have a great day. Is it time to change the subject?

Coffee Break is a morning devotional
written by Lorraine Ezell, and available online and sent by email free of charge
for the asking from About the Master’s Business Ministry, Inc.
So please feel free to call Lorraine at (601) 833-5278 or E-mail her at mastersbusiness@bellsouth.net
And you can visit her on the web at MastersBusiness.org.

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And it’s probably not at all y coincidence that today’s Small Straws In A Soft Wind message from Marsha Burns fits perfectly with this message as follows:
“Psalm 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Rise above the problems of life and seek My face to re- establish eternal and spiritual perspective. As long as you keep your difficult circumstances constantly before your face, My face will be obscured. Choose to trust Me and to know that My grace is sufficient for every situation. I will bring you through every trial in victory, and I tell you absolutely that this too shall pass, says the Lord.”

You can read Bill and Marsha Burns’ messages online and sign up to receive them by email on the Spirit of Prophecy website, where you will also find archived messages.

Finally, a good way to make sure that we keep the main thing the main thing is to follow the very good and wise counsel found in Joshua 22:5, which says But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and all your soul.” And when we do all of that, we will indeed be blessed and encouraged beyond belief, because that will keep Jesus the main thing!