Dr. Charles Stanley’s TV broadcast yesterday morning provided an excellent explanation of the difference between conviction and condemnation, which is something I’ve been meaning to write about, because a VERY important step in our stand for marriage restoration is examining our own faults instead of spending so much time focusing on everything our husbands have done (or do) wrong. This can be a major hurdle for women whose husbands have left them, especially when adultery is involved, and many times when we are finally able to do it, the challenge then becomes to understand the difference between conviction and condemnation. I usually explain it this way. Conviction is something the Lord brings to lead us to repentance and change, and condemnation is something Satan uses to deceive, discourage and destroy us. So I often remind women that we examine our behavior to learn a better way to do it the next time; that our goal is conviction that leads to repentance and change, and not condemnation for Satan to use against us.

For many of us, there’s a great deal of pain, and even grief, associated with finally understanding and acknowledging the harm we did to our husbands and our marriages, but we must not allow that to become strongholds of guilt, shame or condemnation. It also often answers the questions a lot of women have, which is “Why?…What happened?” So we can use conviction concerning our mistakes, and the resulting repentance and changes, as well as a better understanding of what went wrong, to help us learn from our mistakes, which we can then use to help other women avoid making the same mistakes.

John 10:10 really spells out the difference between condemnation and conviction, because it says The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. The life that Jesus came to give us comes through the conviction of our sins and repentance, which leads to changes in us that bring forth fruit for the Lord’s glory. It’s very often the changes made as the result of conviction that tend to draw husbands back to their wives, resulting in marriage restoration, and that certainly glorifies the Lord! The following verses further illustrate the difference between condemnation and conviction:

Romans 5:16
Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification.

Romans 5:18
Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men.

Romans 8:1-2
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8 gives us a better understanding of how we can live without condemnation through the spirit, which enables us to overcome our sin nature. And the following verses teach us more about the purpose, necessity and results of conviction leading to repentance:

Acts 5:31
God exalted him to his own right hand as Prince and Savior that he might give repentance and forgiveness of sins to Israel.

Romans 2:4
Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?

Matthew 3:8
Produce fruit in keeping with repentance.

Timothy 2:24-26
And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

2 Corinthians 7:9-10
yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

Acts 26:20
First to those in Damascus, then to those in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and to the Gentiles also, I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds.

Isaiah 30:15
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.

The condemnation of mankind began with Satan’s deception in the garden, which doomed us to spiritual death and eternity in hell, but by the grace and love of our Lord and Savior, we can respond to the conviction of our sins by repenting and be saved from spiritual death. However, once we’re born again Christians, failure to respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, by refusing to repent and change, keeps the Lord from blessing and protecting us, and could even put us in danger of physical death. God is VERY patient with us, but He will NOT allow us to bring shame or disgrace to the name of Jesus, as we see in the following verses, which were addressed to born again believers and followers of Jesus:

2 Peter 3:8
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

Hebrews 6:4-8
It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed receives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned.

So when the Lord brings conviction through the power of the Holy spirit, it is very important for us to respond to that conviction by repenting and changing our ways, or as Jesus told the woman caught in adultery in John 8:11, …go and sin no more. Of course, it’s not always that easy to change, but Romans 8 assures us that we CAN, because as Philippians 4:13 tells us, we can do ALL things through Christ Jesus who strengthens us! And when Satan tries to destroy us through a sense of guilt, shame or condemnation, designed to keep us from repentance and the changes needed in us for the glory of the Lord, We need to reject it and tell him out loud that we have NO CONDEMNATION BECAUSE WE’RE IN CHRIST JESUS! And we see in John 15:5 why that’s so important, because it says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. So, instead of allowing our mistakes to bury us in guilt, shame or condemnation, we need to praise and glorify the Lord for the conviction of the Holy Spirit, and the fruit and blessings it will produce in our lives.

Here’s a link to Charles Stanley’s message, Conviction vs Condemnation, from Sunday, June 11, 2006.

While standing for marriage restoration, there are times when we really don’t know what to do or which way to go. And there might even be times when we wonder where the Lord is and if He IS working on our behalf; especially when everything around us tells us nothing is happening or even worse, that our worst fears are coming to pass. In such times, we absolutely MUST remember what Psalm 46:10 tells us, which is “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” So no matter what Satan tries to tell us, God is still very high in His heavens, and as Nehemiah 9:6 declares You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you. And it’s vitally important that we keep our focus on that and remember the awesome promise in Psalm 108:4, which says For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. God will NEVER let us down! Deuteronomy 31:8 assures us of that, because it says The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

From the very beginning of time, Satan’s ploy has been to convince us that we can’t trust god; that we can’t take Him at His word, but if we fall for that lie straight from the pit of Hell, we will fall just like Adam and Eve did. We have to believe the Lord NO MATTER WHAT. We have to trust Him, NO MATTER WHAT. And we have to remember Hebrews 11:6, which says And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. And according to Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV), Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. So if we can see it and have reason to believe it, then it’s not by faith, and when we read Hebrews 11, we see that many of the most amazing miracles in the Bible were accomplished BY FAITH!

So even when everything around us tells us otherwise, we have to remember and rely on Numbers 23:19, which says God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? So the bottom line is that we have to make a decision whether or not we really believe God. And even when it looks like He is NOT answering our prayers, we have to trust and believe Him anyway; we have to be TOTALLY grounded in the awesome promise in Romans 8:28 (NKJV), which says And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. And even when we can’t see evidence or the manifestation of our prayers, we have to remember that God has a perfect time for everything and that it won’t happen until the time HE predestined, as we see in Ephesians 1:9-12, which says And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ. In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. Even though we might not like it, there are times when God will do things very differently than we hope or expect, but it’s so that He will get greater praise and glory in the end. That’s why we can’t give up when things look the darkest, because there’s NO glory in that for the Lord! And we have to remember the promise in Proverbs 4:18, which is The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
So, whatever we do, we can’t ever let Satan deceive us into doubting God’s love and faithfulness, because they are everlasting and we CAN rely on them, as so well expressed in Psalm 89:1-37. And as Jesus declared in John 10:10; Satan ONLY comes to kill, steal and destroy, and Jesus came to give us abundant life.

So when you think you can’t take any more, just remember the Lord’s promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, which says No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. And we can’t forget the promise in Philippians 4:13, which says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And if Satan ever tempts us to doubt God’s awesome power, we just need to read Job 38-39.

And perfectly timed again, is the following prophecy from Small Straws In A Soft Wind, by Marsha Burns, reminding us who our enemy is and how he works:
“June 8, 2006: You, My people, are being bombarded and overwhelmed with a barrage of thoughts designed to bring disorder and confusion. This is an attack of the enemy that will cause you to be scattered and ineffective. It is aimed at your mind and emotions to draw you off course. Be still. Quiet your soul and get focused again. Refuse to yield to these diversions. Be strong and stay steady, says the Lord.
Psalm 131:2 Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.” So just be still and KNOW that He IS God!

Deciding whether or not to share my personal trial while standing for marriage restoration on the public section of the site was very difficult, but our God is an AWESOME GOD, and SO FAITHFUL to answer us when we call out to Him, as He promised in Jeremiah 33:3 (NKJV) which says ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’ I thought of MANY reasons why this might not be a very good idea, but in the end, I feel the Lord wants me to share my experience, and hopefully provide comfort and encouragement for others who might find themselves in a similar situation. Since the Lord’s ways and thoughts are so different than ours and so much higher than ours, as Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us, we can never fully know what the Lord is doing, but when we surrender our lives to Him, He will work in us in ways we could never imagine, and probably ways we would never dream possible.

I received an email message from my husband on Monday, June 5th, in which he told me that he and his girlfriend were getting married on Saturday. That came as quite a surprise since the last court order in our divorce case ordered that our settlement and separation agreement was in full force and effect, without changing anything in it and without stating that the dissolution of marriage remained in tact. My husband and I had discussed that several times over the past year, and he occasionally mentioned that he needed to see an attorney about it, but he did not reply when I asked him Monday night if he had ever done that. I believe we are legally separated, and that the last order reversed the dissolution of our marriage, because it says he did not comply with the terms of the final judgment, which specifically stated that our mediated agreement (which called for us to proceed to a final hearing) would be in effect as long as he complied with it’s terms and that our original settlement and separation agreement would be reinstated and in “full force and effect” if he defaulted. And our original agreement specifically stated that there would not be a final hearing or divorce until he had paid a certain amount of money, which he had not paid when the court reinstated it without any modification. I have no doubt that a good legal case could be made for that opinion, but that’s irrelevant since I have God Almighty on my side, and we can’t do better than that, as Romans 8:31 tells us, What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Even though that was an interesting issue to consider, I was really more concerned about the impact it would have on the ministry. I hadn’t ever allowed myself to consider his remarriage, because I was so confident that the Lord wouldn’t let it happen…and, of course, it still hasn’t happened yet! Anyway, I had a LOT of questions. Like how strange it would feel to love a “married” man, how would this effect how I feel about the things I teach other women and on and on. Well, one thing the Lord is pretty good at is reminding me of the things I say to other women. One of His favorite things to say to me is “How can you tell other women to do that if you’re not going to do it yourself?” Nailed again! I just had a lot to work out in my mind and needed a little time. I kept telling the Lord that I know He is NOT the author of confusion, so I asked Him to help me understand and to give me some kind of clear direction. By Tuesday night I had worked my way through all of the emotions and confusion to realize that I just have to keep standing on the word and promises of God…NO MATTER WHAT I SEE AND HEAR. I started fasting Monday night and will go at least through Saturday, and until the Lord tells me to stop. And a lot of the FAM Fellowship members are praying and fasting with me. I praise the Lord for all of our members and for the blessing they all are to me, and especially for their support at this time.

When we’re troubled, we have to turn to the word for our comfort, strength and help. And one of the things I kept reminding myself was that Romans 8:28 promises that God will work this together for my good somehow and that it HAS to be for the Lord’s praise and glory in ways beyond my understanding. We know that based on Ephesians 1:11-14, which says In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. So I started trying to understand how this could be used for the Lord’s praise, glory and purpose. Well, the answer to that is pretty obvious if He keeps the wedding from taking place. But EVEN if He doesn’t for some reason known only to Him, there HAS to be something in that for His praise and glory, even if I have a difficult time understanding what it is. And the more I thought about that, I remembered 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, which says Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

So what’s happening in my situation might be a lot more about something the Lord is trying to teach me in order to prepare me for areas of ministry I’d personally rather not have to deal with, because I’ve always felt a certain level of discomfort about standing for marriage restoration once a mate has remarried. The Lord has already started bringing conviction and new revelations to me about that too, especially through a word He gave one of the FAM members. In addition, I realize that I was elevating man’s laws above God’s law, and as long as I’m standing in faith and obedience to the Lord, and since I have not been unfaithful to my marriage, God will honor and defend the covenant we made before Him, and my husband is not released from it. God will NOT honor or recognize that marriage, which He considers adultery, as His word tells us in Matthew 19:9, which says I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” We know God takes that VERY seriously, as He told us in Malachi 2:13-16 (AMP), which says:
13 And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives], and with [your own] weeping and crying out because the Lord does not regard your offering any more or accept it with favor at your hand.
14 Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows].
15 And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.
16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].

So I know that no matter what happens, it IS for HIS praise and glory, and all the Lord wants me to do is learn from the experiences He brings and allows in my life so they can be used to help others and for HIS praise and glory. When we truly yield ourselves completely for His service and purpose, there’s no telling where He will take us, but He never said it would be easy! Not by a long shot! And that’s confirmed in Luke 9:23, where Jesus said Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. In the end, God’s will is what will prevail and whatever happens in my life, if I remain submitted and grounded in my relationship with the Lord, will be for His praise and glory and for my good!

I also realized that I HAD to recognize this as an attack of the devil, meant to destroy me and the ministry the Lord has called me to, and it helped a great deal to be reminded of that. He is the father of all lies and he was trying to convince me that there was no way I could continue in this ministry, because I would no longer have the confidence I needed in God’s word. What a lie! The truth is that we can’t pick an choose which words will apply to our situations to the exclusion of others. For instance, even if the Lord doesn’t answer my prayers and stop this wedding, that doesn’t discount what Romans 8:28 and Ephesians 1:11-14 say. So, in ways we CAN’T understand, ALL of God’s word works together in our lives. And even if the wedding does take place, that doesn’t mean God won’t answer my prayers for my husband. It will just be in HIS time, and not in mine.

By the time I got up Wednesday morning, I had already made my way to many of these conclusions, so imagine how thrilled and amazed I was to read the following email sent by one of the FAM members!

“Spirit of Prophecy Bulletin
Small Straws In A Soft Wind
by Marsha Burns
June 6, 2006: Do not despair; the enemy has done his utmost to bring discouragement.
But, I tell you the truth that this is momentary. This storm will pass, and victory
shall come. Only believe. Trust that I am bringing you by a way that you have never
been before. Stay true to your covenant with Me. Refuse to compromise. Go forth in
the assurance of victory over everything that opposes you in your kingdom purpose.
Be strong. Stand!
Isaiah 42:16 I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them
in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked
places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them.”
The “Spirit of Prophecy Bulletin, with Small Straws in a Soft Wind by Marsha Burns is available here online, where you can subscribe to receive it by email.

For those who don’t realize it, I am blind, so this REALLY had my name and number written ALL over it! What a testimony of how the Lord uses the gifts of one Christian to meet the needs of others. And what confirmation of the power of the Holy Spirit. I have NO doubt that message was very specifically meant for me! And I praise the Lord for it and for Marsha Burns’ faithfulness and obedience to deliver it! I’m sure I will revisit it often, because it is VERY important when the devil tries to convince us that the Lord has forsaken us. The devil is nothing but a liar, because Deuteronomy 31:8 promises The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

As many of the FAM Fellowship members say, standing for marriage restoration is one of the most difficult things we’ll ever do. And since we often have difficult days, or some that are more challenging than others, I thought it would be a good idea to list a few of our favorite and most powerful passages of scripture. It’s easy to forget them if we don’t remind ourselves of them often enough, so here are some of my favorites:

Malachi 2 (AMP)
13 And this you do with double guilt; you cover the altar of the Lord with tears [shed by your unoffending wives, divorced by you that you might take heathen wives], and with [your own] weeping and crying out because the Lord does not regard your offering any more or accept it with favor at your hand.
14 Yet you ask, Why does He reject it? Because the Lord was witness [to the covenant made at your marriage] between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously and to whom you were faithless. Yet she is your companion and the wife of your covenant [made by your marriage vows].
15 And did not God make [you and your wife] one [flesh]? Did not One make you and preserve your spirit alive? And why [did God make you two] one? Because He sought a godly offspring [from your union]. Therefore take heed to yourselves, and let no one deal treacherously and be faithless to the wife of his youth.
16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore keep a watch upon your spirit [that it may be controlled by My Spirit], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].

Isaiah 55
10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Psalm 37
4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Romans 8
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?
32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Proverbs 21:30
There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.

Isaiah 41 (NKJV)
10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
11 “ Behold, all those who were incensed against you Shall be ashamed and disgraced; They shall be as nothing, And those who strive with you shall perish.
12 You shall seek them and not find them—Those who contended with you. Those who war against you Shall be as nothing, As a nonexistent thing.
13 For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

Jeremiah 29 (AMP)
For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

Jeremiah 33:3
‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’

Psalm 3:3
But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

Psalm 18:35
You give me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me; you stoop down to make me great.

Psalm 144:2
He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Mark 10:27
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

Hopefully, when we’re down we can look at these verses and be reminded who God is and that He has EVERYTHING under control. We just have to trust and obey, and He’ll do the rest!

Since learning to love unconditionally is so important when seeking marriage restoration, one of the first things I do when I start talking to a woman standing for the restoration of her marriage, is ask her if she really loves her husband. Of course, the answer is always “yes”, and most of the time “very much” is thrown in somewhere. And then I ask her to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 out loud, which says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. If she starts reading through it fast, as most do, I ask her to slow down, considering each point as she reads it. Then after she’s read it, I ask if she still thinks she loves her husband, and how well she’s demonstrated it. With only one exception, the impact has been VERY dramatic, because when we’re honest, we have to admit that we haven’t loved our husbands like that. If we had, they wouldn’t be somewhere else right now. So one of the first things we have to do when we’re standing for marriage restoration is acknowledge that we have NOT loved our husbands as they need to be loved and as the Lord commands us to love them. And marriage restoration is NOT possible without admitting that and learning how to love UNCONDITIONALLY.

Learning to love the way God calls us to love begins by understanding that love can not be separated from God and it’s not possible to love that way without the Love of God in us, as we see in the following verses:

1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

1 John 4:16
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

John 15:12
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

So the ONLY way it’s possible to love our husbands as the Lord commands, is to be more like Jesus, as we see in Ephesians 5:1-2, which tells us Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Perhaps that’s why we hear unconditional love often referred to as “sacrificial love”, which is confirmed again in John 15:13, which says Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. We usually think of this verse as meaning that we’re willing to die for our loved ones, but I think it really means that we “lay down” our own will, our own needs and desires, and our flesh to better serve the one we love. In the same way, Jesus didn’t literally mean we have to “take up” a cross daily to follow Him as He stated in Luke 9:23, which says Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Actually Jesus said “his cross”, which could be ANYTHING our flesh uses to make us less like Christ, and that’s why He said we had to take it up daily. To love our husbands as the Lord expects definitely requires us to “deny” ourselves and CONSTANTLY crucify our flesh!

The following verses offer additional insight into the nature and character of love, from God’s perspective, along with some excellent advice about how to love unconditionally:

Hosea 3:1
The LORD said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”

Song of Solomon 8:6-7
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

Proverbs 17:9
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Luke 6:32
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Corinthians 16:14
Do everything in love.

Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Proverbs 27:5
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Proverbs 21:21
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.

1 Timothy 6:11
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.

1 Peter 3:8
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

There’s a LOT of wisdom and sound advice in all of the above scriptures, so we’d be wise to revisit them often and check to see how well we’re putting them into practice. And remember what James 1:22-25 tells us, which is Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

A major road block on the path to marriage restoration for many women is letting go of the past and realizing that The Lord is doing a NEW thing, and that once the good work He has begun in us and our marriages is complete, we will have SO MUCH more than ever before. When we let go of the past and leave it behind us by putting our faith and trust in the Lord, who IS our fortress, we can believe the promise in Zechariah 9:12, which says Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you. And then we’ll receive the most awesome promises in Isaiah 61:7, which says Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. And who doesn’t want a double portion and EVERLASTING JOY! As the following verses confirm, God IS doing a “new thing” and making a way where there seems to be no way, and He wants us to forget the past and proclaim the “new” things He’s promised to do:

Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 42:9-12
See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, you islands, and all who live in them. Let the desert and its towns raise their voices; let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice. Let the people of Sela sing for joy; let them shout from the mountaintops. Let them give glory to the LORD and proclaim his praise in the islands.

Obviously the Lord wants us to believe what He has promised to do for us BEFORE we see it and to give Him the praise and glory for it NOW, as confirmed in Isaiah 48:6, which says You have heard these things; look at them all. Will you not admit them? “From now on I will tell you of new things, of hidden things unknown to you. And that confirms His promise in Jeremiah 33:3, which says ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Fortunately we know these are GOOD things, because of the Lord’s awesome promise in Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NLT), which is For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. And we have the assurance that everything the Lord promises will come to pass, that HIS will WILL be done, based on Proverbs 21:30, which promises There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.

So when we choose to hang onto the past, we’re cheating ourselves and our families out of the glorious future the Lord wants to give us, because He does not work in an environment of doubt and disbelief, which we know does not please Him based on Hebrews 11:6, which tells us And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. So let the past go, and eagerly and earnestly seek the new thing the Lord wants to do for you and your family, confidently believing the Lord’s promise in Matthew 6:33 (NKJV), which says But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Last week one of the FAM members brought an awesome verse about faith to my attention that I hadn’t heard before, or at least didn’t remember, so I made up my mind to seriously “study” what the Bible teaches about faith, because it’s such an important principle when standing for marriage restoration. Since the word faith (in quotes) comes up 256 times in the NIV, it was a very extensive study and I learned quite a bit. Obviously, that’s a lot of material to cover, so instead of trying to cover it all at once, I’ll break it up and sprinkle it into my posts over the coming days and weeks.

One of the things that really struck me is how strongly the Bible tells us that if our actions and deeds don’t back up our faith, it’s dead or useless, which point is very strongly made in James 2:14-26, as the following verses reveal:

James 2:14
What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?

James 2:17
In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

James 2:18
But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

James 2:22
You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.

James 2:24
You see that a person is justified by what he does and not by faith alone.

James 2:26
As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

Even though we know there is a definite connection between the words of faith we speak and the way we live our lives, it has a much stronger impact to see how many verses actually indicate how important it is for us to live and act in accordance with the faith we confess. And it obviously displeases the Lord when we fail to do that, as we see in the following verses where Jesus questioned the faith of His disciples because of their fear in the midst of a storm:

Mark 4:40
He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

Luke 8:25
He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.”

Not only is living in fear an indication of little faith, but it is an act of disobedience based on Isaiah 41:10, which says So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And as we see in 1 Corinthians 16:13, our faith in the Lord should make us strong and courageous, because it says Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. So when we are fearful and weak, we aren’t demonstrating much faith in the Lord, and our failure to live by faith actually keeps others from seeing God in us, as Romans 1:17 says, For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.” So when we make Jesus the Lord of our lives, He lives in us and we are called to live our lives by faith in Him, as we see in Galatians 2:20, which says I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. In fact, the Lord is NOT pleased with us when we resist living by faith, according to Hebrews 10:38, which says But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” And Jesus actually rebuked His disciples for their lack of faith in Mark 16:14, which says Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.

The verse I liked so much is 2 Thessalonians 1:11, which says With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. That means we can rely on God’s power to fulfill the acts prompted by our faith, which makes it pretty important for us to make sure the acts we’re prompting are the ones we want and not those we don’t want. And the following verses give us some guidelines and examples of how to live by faith and prompt the acts we want:

1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 4:12
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Titus 2:2
Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

Hebrews 11:7
By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.

Hebrews 11:8
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Hebrews 11:17-18
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”

Hebrews 11:29
By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.

The true test of faith is whether or not we believe and act on what Hebrews 11:1 tells us, which is Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. That’s the kind of faith all of the great men and women in the Bible demonstrated time after time, for which they ALWAYS received awesome blessings! So we have to persevere in standing firm in our faith for the restoration of our marriages, and when the tests, trials and temptations come, as they inevitably will, we have to remember James 1:2-8, which says Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. When our actions don’t line up with the faith we speak, we ARE double-minded, our faith is dead and useless, and we shouldn’t expect to receive anything from the Lord, and there’s NO doubt that marriage restoration is not possible without walking out the faith we talk!