While FAM members have been so blessed to witness the restoration of three marriages in the past week, we have also had painful and undeniable reminders of the destructive danger and power of pride, and the amazingly predictable way it tends to rear its ugly head just hours before restoration. And since pride is such an obstacle to all that we stand for, it has often been the topic of previous Seeds Of Faith posts; such as Recognizing and Avoiding the Danger of Pride and BEWARE…Satan Comes ONLY to Steal, Kill and Destroy! So I urge everyone to read these posts to get a better idea of just what pride is and how the devil so predictably and effectively attempts to use it against us in the hours leading up to restoration.

The first restoration we celebrated last week would have had a TOTALLY different outcome if the FAM member had allowed her pride to get the best of her when the spouse of a woman who works with her husband called to inform her that his wife was having an affair with her husband! But she responded in unconditional love, respect, and humility and within a few hours her husband was home…even though they were in the process of getting a divorce and he had very recently told her that he just couldn’t come back home! Just like Genesis 50:20 declares; what was meant for harm, God ALWAYS meant for good and the saving of many! But it was HOW the wife responded to this news that finally convinced her husband that she had really changed and made him decide to come home!

And the restoration we were blessed to celebrate yesterday would have easily been blown if the FAM member had not understood the absolute necessity of taking EVERY thought captive and making them obedient to Christ; because just hours before her wonderful breakthrough, she was under intense spiritual attack and couldn’t even believe some of the thoughts that kept invading her mind. But she refused to entertain the devil and give him entrance into her heart, mind and spirit; she humbled herself under the mighty hand of God and He certainly lifted her up in DUE time!

In addition to the above testimonies and examples of how the devil attempts to use pride to thwart marriage restoration at every possible turn; the testimonies/introductions of several new FAM Fellowship members have tragically revealed how the devil had used their pride to literally steal, kill and destroy their marriages and families. But the good news is that we can’t possibly make such a mess of things that God can’t create a miracle out of it; in fact, the greater the mess, the greater the miracle and the greater the glory for our Lord! And we have no doubt that all of these new members will be sharing their Restored Marriage Testimonies one day as well!

So, as we stand for the restoration of our marriages and families, we can’t afford not to realize that pride ALWAYS comes to steal, kill and destroy. In John 10:10, Jesus said The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. And Proverbs 16:18 warns that Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. And since Satan was cast out of heaven because of his pride (Isaiah 14:12-14), he obviously knows pride very well; not to mention the power it has to bring about the destruction he desires. So it’s no wonder that Satan is able to use our pride so effectively to steal, kill and destroy our marriages and families, our hope for marriage restoration and the word of our testimonies! And since God literally opposes the proud and brings them low; yet promises to give grace to the humble and that when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand, He will lift us up in DUE time, the wisdom of choosing to resist the devil and walk humbly should be pretty apparent. And even though it is often overlooked, the fact that the devil uses pride to bring about the death and destruction he comes to accomplish is clearly and unmistakably revealed in 1 Peter 5:5-8, which says:
5 Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.”
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
But when we learn to recognize and overcome pride, we will be blessed and encouraged because GOD will lift us up in DUE time!

Without a doubt, this has been one of the most exciting times for FAM Fellowship members, and we are just totally in awe and amazement as we witness the mighty hand of God moving so powerfully as He SUPERNATURALLY and radically changes hearts and renews and restores so many marriages and families right before our eyes!!!

The following After Marriage Restoration testimony was posted just a little earlier on the private FAM Fellowship website, and I thank Kelly for her permission to share it here. Kelly became a FAM member last May as a prodigal turned stander. By the time the Lord convicted her that she had to return to her marriage, Chris had become involved with someone else as well. But Kelly didn’t know that and soon after they reconciled and relocated too another state, Chris decided to return to their home state and the NCP. So Kelly became the stander and soon after joining FAM, their marriage seemed to be reconciled again. But Chris still harbored unforgiveness in his heart and it wasn’t long before he returned to the NCP. But as He ALWAYS does, God had the final Word and used a very strange means to melt Chris’ hardened heart; a letter Kelly had written to Chris’ parents to ask for their forgiveness when she returned home, which his mother thought would help Chris in an anticipated custody battle for the children, and which he had not seen before! That’s why I titled that post NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD!!! What an awesome testimony proving that what is meant for harm and evil, God ALWAYS intended for good and the saving of many lives; just as Joseph declared in Genesis 50:20! So read Kelly’s beautiful testimony and be blessed and encouraged!

*****
Hello FAM family,

It has been awhile since I have posted and it has really been on my heart lately to get on here and post what God has done and is doing for his Glory. Let me start by saying that on my desk sits a document from the court that confirms that ALL divorce proceedings have been withdrawn and that our marriage has been reconciled. When I read this I was so amazed that EVEN THE COURT had to declare THE WILL OF GOD! It is so true that nothing and I mean nothing can stand against the will of God, not the enemy, not my selfishness, not Chris’ selfishness, no NCP, NOTHING!

Chris and I have been together with our children now for almost three months, and I must tell you all that God has done EVERYTHING that he promised to do to the letter. And He continues to rebuild and restore our lives, our family, our marriage and our children; all for his Glory.

A scripture the Lord spoke to me during my wait was that he would “add to our number.” Well, he has! I found out about a week ago that I am pregnant! Our baby, who will always be a symbol to Chris and I of God’s unfailing mercy and grace, will be born sometime in June, 2009, and we are both so excited! In addition to that, Chris and I have plans to renew our vows before the Lord some time in November and we will be exchanging new wedding rings too!

The Lord promised me that his Spirit would fall upon Chris and that he would give him a new heart and he would be changed into another man, and he did exactly that. Chris has been wonderful. We pray together almost every day; he is attentive, loving and supportive and very committed to me and the kids and our NEW life together. I am a changed woman and he is a changed man. That is for sure.

I am writing this all to give thanks and Glory to Jesus and Jesus alone. This was all Him and most certainly not me or Chris. He is mighty and faithful and we can take him at his word; believe me. I am also writing this to encourage all who are still “pregnant” with his promise; DO NOT GIVE UP! He CAN NOT AND WILL NOT fail. He will do EVERYTHING that he promised you. I know it is hard to wait, but he is a wise and patient gardener. He knows when the fruit is ripe and ready to be picked and he will not be LATE. You can trust him. He is doing things that you can not see. He is weaving a tapestry of blessings for you that you can not understand right now. But trust that he is good. If you believe, you WILL see the GLORY OF GOD!

I love you all and thank you all for your prayers and support. I will continue to pray for you all as well and look forward to rejoicing at the news of YOUR restorations. THEY ARE COMING!!!

In Him,
Kelly

Once again, Dr. Charles Stanley’s TV broadcast message this week is a very powerful and important message for men and women standing for marriage restoration, so I strongly encourage everyone to listen to Bearing Each Other’s Burdens, especially if your spouse is caught up in a sinful lifestyle or behavior. There’s so much about this message that applies as we stand for marriage restoration; particularly when our spouses are involved in adulterous relationships. Dr. Stanley teaches an awful lot about the attitudes we should and shouldn’t have if we want the Lord to work through us to help restore our spouses to Him and for the restoration of our marriages.

As God continues to move mightily in the lives and marriages of so many in our midst, FAM members have witnessed undeniable and powerful proof that when we do things God’s way, we get GOD’S results…AND GOD HATES DIVORCE AND UPHOLDS THE COVENANT OF MARRIAGE! So we have to learn WHAT GOD SAYS about dealing with and responding to the shortcomings and failures of those we love when they are caught up in sin, which is definitely NOT what most counselors keep telling men and women all over this country; even Christian pastors and counselors. So I STRONGLY urge anyone currently seeking or considering marriage counseling to listen to this message and see if what you hear elsewhere lines up with GOD’S plan for restoration; because marriage restoration is NOT likely to happen any other way…at least not real and lasting restoration. And contrary to what most counselors believe, the change has to begin with US, and WE are powerless to effect change in our spouses…BUT GOD IS NOT!!! I can’t find anywhere in the Bible where we are taught to establish “boundaries” for our spouses as most counselors seem to believe and promote. And this is a VERY sore subject for me personally, because so much of my time is spent teaching men and women how to overcome the harm and destruction caused by the ungodly counsel given by so many pastors and Christian counselors. And they often literally need to be “deprogrammed!” So no matter what ANYONE tells you, including me, please make sure you can back it up in the Word of God. And if you can’t, please have the wisdom to recognize it as ungodly counsel and heed God’s warning and awesome promise in Psalm 1:1-3 (NKJV), which says:
Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper.

We just can’t hold onto our “rights” and identities as victims and the ungodly idea that we have the right or power to demand and/or effect change in our spouses, or look down on them with pious self-righteousness and expect to effectively stand for the full and complete restoration of our marriages, because that is absolutely contrary to EVERYTHING God’s Word teaches, and Dr. Stanley’s message makes that abundantly clear. So take the time to thoughtfully listen to this important message and follow along with Dr. Stanley’s Sermon Outline, along with the scripture references. When WE get right with the Lord and learn HOW to be vessels for HIS glory, and HOW to allow the work of the Holy Spirit to be done in and through us, we will indeed be blessed and encouraged, and our marriages will be supernaturally restored!!!

Once again, FAM members have been blessed to witness the miracle of another marriage restoration, and it too was a definite “suddenly!” And it powerfully reinforced and confirmed so many conversations and discussions over the past week or so about the deadly danger and destructive nature and power of pride. I hope to share a lot more about that later today or tomorrow, and do appreciate everyone’s patience while we’re making the transition to our new websites. I hope to be back on a better schedule for getting out the Seeds Of Faith post shortly, as the Lord has put so much in my heart to share, but time is an ever increasing precious commodity.

MNO (member name omitted) was faced with a situation that would have sent most of us into a tail spin, because the husband of a woman her husband works with called to tell her that they were “seeing” each other. But what the devil obviously intended for harm; God intended for good and it was the resulting conversation with her husband that made him decide to come home after being away for almost a year, even though they were in the process of getting a divorce!. But she didn’t freak out and make all sorts of accusations or pitch a fit, and since she reacted in love and with respect, without losing her peace and confidence in the Lord, which was TOTALLY different from the old MNO; it was pretty difficult for her husband to continue questioning that the changes he had seen in her were real and lasting! So when I read Lorraine’s Coffee Break devotional this morning, I couldn’t believe how well it speaks to exactly what we’ve seen playing out in the ministry over the past few weeks; and the results speak for themselves! So read the following message, take it to heart, and you will be blessed and encouraged; particularly if you put it into practice!

*****
A Higher Level by Lorraine Ezell
“…Come up hither, and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter. And immediately I was in the spirit: and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the
throne.” Revelation 4:1b,2

God is calling His people to come up to a higher place- a place in the Spirit. It is imperative (and I stress “imperative” because if we don’t it can be dangerous to our spiritual and physical well being). It is imperative that we do this (get in the Spirit) in light of the days in which we are living.

Because we contact this world through our physical senses it is easy to judge what we see and what we hear according to the natural scheme of things. It is so easy to allow what we see and hear in the natural to dictate and govern our emotions, our choices, our way of thinking. If we look at the events that are happening around us from a worldly, natural perspective instead of from a higher perspective- God’s perspective, a kingdom perspective- we will make decisions and live our lives based on fear instead of faith, personal preference instead of Godly conviction, and fleshly desires instead of Godly values.

John had to go up to a different “level” (a spiritual level) in order to see things as they really are and will be. God could not show him what he needed to see as long as he was still on the “earthly” level because the things He showed him were “spiritual” and could not be received or understood by the physical.

“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.” (1 Cor. 2:14)

If we are living on an “earthly” level- judging after appearance, dictated by fear, walking after the lusts and desires of the flesh, living by sight instead of by faith, putting our hope and confidence in man instead of in God, believing the reports of the world instead of God’s word, not decreasing and allowing God to increase and take control of our mind, will, emotions, spirit, soul, heart and body– then we are carnally minded instead of spiritually minded.

Are you living on a spiritual level- allowing God’s Holy Spirit to govern your entire life, or are you still living on a carnal level- allowing your flesh (your own desires) to rule? One gives life, the other brings death. If we are carnally minded, then it’s time to repent and “come up hither” to a spiritual level–“For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)

Have a great day. You just cannot see clearly on a carnal level… you have to come up to a spiritual level where you can see and understand things from God’s perspective.

*****
Coffee Break is a morning devotional written by Lorraine Ezell, and available online and sent by email free of charge for the asking from About the Master’s Business Ministry, Inc.
So please feel free to call Lorraine at (601) 833-5278 or E-mail her at mastersbusiness@bellsouth.net
And you can visit her on the web at MastersBusiness.org.

Praise the Lord, God DOESN’T need our help; He CAN AND WILL accomplish HIS will and purpose without a bit of help from us! And it’s EXTREMELY important for every man and woman standing for marriage restoration to understand and believe that, because it’s the ONLY way to ever Be Still And KNOW That He IS God; the topic of an earlier Seeds Of Faith post.

We often see a recurring theme in the FAM Fellowship, and it’s pretty obvious that the theme this week has been “Be still and wait.” Or as God said in Psalm 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Unfortunately, the problem for many men and women standing for marriage restoration is that they don’t REALLY believe or understand that, and when they finally realize and accept that their marital situations are totally out of their control and that there isn’t ANYTHING they can do to save them, they give in to despair and hopelessness. And that’s such a shame, because it means that they obviously don’t believe Jesus, because HE said “With man this is impossible, but with God ALL things ARE possible!” ( Matthew 19:26)

That’s why we have to remember that it is GOD who will uphold and honor the covenant of our marriages as long as we remain faithful to the covenant we made before Him. And contrary to what many might otherwise believe; that also includes genuinely repentant (and forgiven by God!) unfaithful spouses, because we’ve seen MANY marriages restored after prodigals turned from their wicked ways and became standers. But we must know and understand that God absolutely has the power to change our spouses’ hearts from stony hearts to hearts of flesh. And there are a multitude of scriptures that make it undeniably clear that we don’t plan and determine our own steps, because it is God who directs our paths. One of my favorites is Proverbs 16:1, which says To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue. And we all know that what God says goes!

But the work God does is done SUPERNATURALLY and no matter how far our spouses run to get away, they can’t EVER get beyond the reach and power of our great and mighty God! So we can’t afford to buy into the devil’s lies that WE have to DO or SAY something; like “How can anything change when I never even see or talk to my spouse?” Or a big one I’ve heard lately is “We don’t have any children and that’s what keeps other couples in touch with each other.” And then there’s “We haven’t been married that long.” Well, just read the testimony of the first FAM Fellowship member to remarry after divorce (Sowing in Tears and Reaping with Songs of Joy!), which took place less than a week ago and see if she did ANYTHING to “help” God! Quite the contrary; she did just about all she could to sabotage what He was trying to do for most of the two and a half years they were apart…BUT GOD DID WHAT GOD WAS ALWAYS GOING TO DO ANYWAY!!! But He had to do quite a work in both of their hearts first, and that’s what He will do for all of us; all He expects of us is that we love Him and trust and obey Him. And HE will do the rest!

So as yesterday’s Seeds Of Faith post, Restored by the Power of the Holy Spirit, reminds all of us, we have to put our trust and reliance in the power of the Holy Spirit to do what we can’t do and what looks impossible in the natural, because with God ALL things truly are possible and He will do WHATEVER IT TAKES to uphold the covenant of our marriages! And He REALLY doesn’t need our help, because as Isaiah 46:10-11 declares;I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do. So all we need to know is that God hates divorce and that HE will uphold the covenant of our marriages, which He does in part by not accepting the offerings or honoring the worship or hearing the prayers of those who have wrongly abandoned and divorced their faithful spouses (Malachi 2 and 1 Peter 3:7). That’s why we can rest assured that God will do what we can’t do and why it’s so important for us to use this time to learn how to be the husbands and wives God calls and created us to be, and the husbands and wives our spouses want us to be.

So as we stand on the power and promise of God’s Word for the full and complete restoration of our marriages, we need to accept Jesus’ powerful and liberating invitation in Matthew 11:28-29, where He promised “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. And when we do that, we will indeed be blessed because of God’s awesome promise to lift us up in due time when we HUMBLE ourselves under His mighty hand 1 Peter 5:5-6)! And we sure have seen plenty of testimonies proving that in the past week!

What an awe inspiring blessing it has been to witness the amazing work God has been (and continues) doing in the restoration of so many marriages and families in our midst! In just the past few weeks, we’ve seen one husband come home (because he had no other options financially)…so he says; A non-covenant marriage resulting from an adulterous relationship annulled with both parties now standing for the restoration of their covenant marriages; another couple remarried after being separated for two and a half years and divorced for over one year (SUDDENLY after months of no contact!); another husband returning to buy a new dream home and to relocate with his family to another state; another husband inviting his wife out to dinner out of the blue for the first time since he left over two years ago (currently divorced); another husband actively participating in his children’s sports activities and calling “just to talk” after a year of little or no contact and involvement at all; another husband also getting involved in his families lives after months of being very uninvolved (who just told his wife that his relationship with the NCP (non-covenant person) is over, and his brother that he’s coming home); a wife’s heart softening as their family now spends time together just enjoying each other’s company; another wife spending a lot of time with her husband and family and now expressing doubt about her decision to leave home; and countless other couples with vastly improved communications who are now enjoying pleasant times together!

I’m sure I left some of the miraculous situations we’ve witnessed out, but the point is that ALL that we see is being done by the power of the Holy Spirit at work in OUR hearts and lives and then in the hearts and lives of our spouses! But the transformation MUST begin with US, as there’s no denying based on 2 Corinthians 10:6 (and many other passages of scripture), which says And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete. And in every situation mentioned above, I can very personally attest that the Lord did a great and mighty work in the standers’ hearts BEFORE any of the changes in their marriages took place. But once they learned to walk out their roles as husbands and wives according to what the Bible teaches, and were willing to submit and surrender their own will and way (including their “rights”) to the power and promise of God’s Word; allowing the Holy Spirit to transform and renew them; the Holy Spirit then VERY QUICKLY went to work on the “other side of the mountain” as we say! What powerful and awesome confirmation that when we persevere in faith and obedience, we WILL receive the promise of God; just as promised in Hebrews 10:36, which says You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Yet there’s no doubt that it definitely gets a bit more challenging when things begin to change so drastically for the better; because just like children eagerly and excitedly awaiting Christmas as it draws nearer, seeing the power of God move so mightily also makes the waiting a bit more difficult! After all, we’ve all heard that old saying “it’s so close I can almost taste it!” But as one of our members shared on the private site this morning after seeking a Word from the Lord when feeling restless and impatient; God wants us to “Be still and wait!” Just as soon as I read what she said the Lord had put on her heart, the following passages of scripture came to mind, which I know is the same message God wants to give to every man and woman standing for marriage restoration and waiting for HIM to work through the power of the Holy Spirit to do what only He can do to restore their marriages and families.

Psalm 46:10 – “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Isaiah 64:4 – Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

Isaiah 40:30-31 – Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

We all have to realize that our great and loving God has EVERYTHING in HIS mighty hand and that HIS will and Word will prevail no matter what! But He absolutely does require that we believe that and when we do, we should be able to rest; be still and KNOW that HE IS GOD! But it’s ONLY By the Power of the Spirit, an earlier Seeds Of Faith post, that we can be still and wait as we trust and obey God; and when we do, we will receive His promise and be just as blessed and encouraged as each of the couples mentioned above!

Something I probably say more than anything else as I minister to men and women standing for marriage restoration is that the only way to get God’s results is to do things God’s way, and that if we do things the World’s way, we will get the world’s results. That’s VERY true and something we’ve seen proven over and over again in the lives of so many FAM members. So it’s important to know that there are always two different ways; either God’s way or the world’s way…and to know the difference! And we definitely need to heed the warning of Proverbs 14:12 as we seek God’s way concerning marriage, because it warns There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.…and then the wisdom of Proverbs 16:24, which says em>Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

While trouble shooting the new websites, which we will be moving over to in a few days, I discovered that the links provided on Online Marriage Help no longer worked, so I had to go in search of the new links, and since I hadn’t listened to the messages in a long time, I listened to some of them again today. These are a series of online audio messages from Dr. James Kennedy, which are especially helpful to anyone who wants to have a better marriage; particularly the restored marriage testimonies. So I really hope everyone will take the time to listen to all of the messages listed on the above link and take Dr. Kennedy’s very wise counsel to heart. He was a very wise man and counselor and we are blessed to have the benefit of his messages to guide us as we stand for the restoration of our marriages and families.

However, as I listened to one of the messages in particular, How to Change Your Spouse, I couldn’t believe how perfectly it addressed and confirmed several conversations I’ve had with FAM members over the past few days, so I want to share it here as well and encourage everyone to take the time to learn HOW to stand for the full and complete restoration of your marriage, even in difficult circumstances and with “difficult” spouses…based ENTIRELY on the power and promise of God’s Word. So take the time to listen to these messages, because when you PUT THEM INTO PRACTICE, you will most definitely be blessed and encouraged beyond belief!

The biblical account of Joseph’s life has always been a personal favorite, so I was really pleased that it was the topic for Dr. Stanley’s TV broadcast message yesterday. As men and women standing for marriage restoration, we can learn so much from Joseph’s experience and how he relied on his faith and confidence in the power and promises of God NO MATTER WHAT!

But it’s important to note that no matter what kind of circumstances Joseph found himself in, which included many difficult and totally unfair circumstances brought on by outrageous injustice; he ALWAYS did everything to the very best of his ability and potential. And he kept a positive attitude and outlook despite often being in the midst of extremely challenging situations. So he excelled in all that he did, and in addition to earning the blessings and favor of God, he obviously enjoyed the blessings and favor of men! What a powerful example of what it means to walk out Romans 14:17-19, which says For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. That’s the way Joseph lived his life and he was very greatly rewarded with the promise God had given him so many years earlier in his dream. However, if not for EVERY wrong and injustice done to him, he never would have or even could have achieved God’s plan for his life, which he acknowledged in Genesis 50:20, when he said You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. And when we truly get that and understand the awesome assurance we all have in Romans 8:28, we too will be able to walk in the righteousness, peace and joy of the Holy Spirit as we stand for marriage restoration. And when we keep our focus on the power and promise of God’s Word instead of our circumstances, just like Joseph, we will indeed be blessed and encouraged beyond anything we could ever ask or imagine!

So take the time to listen to Through Times of Trial by Dr. Stanley, and read his Sermon Outline with links to the scripture references, and be blessed and encouraged!

Since it’s always so exciting to reach a new milestone as we stand together to promote marriage restoration, it’s a tremendous privilege and with great joy that I announce that one of the earliest FAM Fellowship members will be marrying her covenant husband again this weekend! While we’ve been blessed to witness so many marriage restorations, this will be the first FAM member to remarry after divorce and there’s absolutely no doubt that many more will follow! But this will be a particularly special occasion for all of us, because the FAM members are invited to celebrate and rejoice with MNO (member name omitted) and her husband as they renew their marriage vows by witnessing their wedding via teleconference. As soon as MNO and her hubby made their plans to remarry, it was very important to her to share her testimony here to help encourage others that what God has done for her, He will do for all. So it is my hope and prayer, as well as MNO’s that you will be very blessed and encouraged by reading her testimony and that you are reminded that just as Proverbs 21:30 declares, There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD. And as MNO’s testimony and Psalm 126:5 both confirm, Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Praise the Lord, for He has been ever so faithful to do as His Word says in Jeremiah 31:13, where He promised, Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.May your sorrow soon turn to joy!

*****
First and foremost, I would like to thank God and give him all of the glory for the restoration of my marriage. And I feel led by him to write this to encourage all of you to trust in God and know that he is faithful to answer all that he has promised.

In March of 2006, my husband walked out on me and our marriage, and being full of pride, it was the most devastating event of my life. For months, we kept in touch and I was convinced that he still loved me and would not be able to do without me. Yet, as the months went by, I cried and cried, wondering why God had allowed this to happen. I couldn’t understand how the sweet man I had married turned into such an evil man. The few times we met as per my request, he’d flaunt his other relationships in my face. In his eyes, the marriage ended when he walked out. But in mine, we were still married in God’s eyes. So I would email him bible versus on marriage, adultery and so forth, but he just got meaner and eventually just ignored my calls; to the point that we completely stopped speaking to each other.

After six or seven months of that, I began harassing him and pressuring him to file for a divorce, and we ultimately ended up meeting at the courthouse to finalize the paperwork. I had to insist on him going there with me to ensure that the paperwork was filled out correctly, because by that time, the courts had rejected our petition four or five times. So I became impatient and told my husband that if I wanted things done right, I obviously had to do it myself. And two weeks after we filled out the paperwork, I received the notice in the mail of the dissolution of my marriage, which became official on September 17, 2007; just eleven days after what would have been our fourth wedding anniversary. But I was enraged and began to cry; not fully understanding why, since I was the one who pressured him to get the divorce. I had heard through friends how much he was partying and dating, and I wanted the same for me, but knew that I had to be divorced first. I had already tried “dating” while married and knew it was wrong and I wanted to feel good about it instead of feeling so bad and guilty about it.

God is always faithful to give us the desires of our hearts when we delight in him, but in order for us to be able to receive them, he must first purge US of all of OUR ungodly desires and he must show US where WE went wrong. My husband called me personally to deliver the news about the termination of our marriage, which just upset me even more. So from that moment forward, I began to date, party, drink, etc. But the more I did those worldly things, the emptier I felt inside. I was going out on dates with ungodly men, while just wishing that my husband was the one by my side. I was trying to deal with so many emotions, and at night, I found myself praying; asking God to keep my heart free of resentment toward my husband and to do his will in my life. I would ask God to bring me the right man, and I continued to ask him to save my husband and to show him the right way and his wrong doings, so he’d find the right Godly woman one day too.

As much as I partied, I never felt at ease. I always knew that I wanted God to bless me, but I was too hurt to allow myself to realize that I still loved my husband and that what I was doing was wrong. And it seems that God allowed me to date various types of men who were everything I always wanted in my husband; the success, money, great dancer, smooth talker, etc…I had it all. Each man had a little bit of what I was looking for. But, each and every one of them also had one of my own bad characteristics; short tempered, prideful, revengeful, ambitious, self Righteous, etc., and each one them had an excessive measure of their particular UNGODLY CHARACTERISTIC!

But through all of that, I began to see all the evil traits I had within myself and how each and every one of them had played a part in the temporary destruction of my marriage, and I felt at a loss. And I was eventually forced to move back in with my parents, because I had been such a bad steward of my finances. Meanwhile, my husband had moved in with another woman within a month of our divorce becoming final, and I swore I would never, ever go back to him. He sent me one last email, attempting to leave the door of communication between us open, but I told him where to put it! As I said, I was very hurt and not thinking or behaving very godly myself.

So I totally stopped talking to my husband, and I remember crying out and truly releasing him to God in January of 2008. I asked God to help me really forgive my husband because I didn’t want to feel the pain, bitterness and anger anymore; I said that I just wanted his will for my life and that I knew he had something better for me even if I didn’t know what it was. And I asked that some day my husband would realize that I wasn’t the only one responsible for what happened in our marriage and that he’d seek my forgiveness one day too. I knew that I had tried to reason with my husband and felt that nothing would salvage our marriage. So I gave up on all of MY efforts and truly handed him to God. I didn’t call him or email him; doing nothing at all.

Then on July 25, 2008, after almost 1 year of no real communication, we ran into each other at a mutual friend’s wedding. Of course, I knew he would be there, and with the other woman, so I made and effort to look extra stunning, because I was not about to be over shadowed by the new girl. All of my friends suggested taking a date, but I said no, because it was not my intention to make him jealous; I just wanted to make sure I looked good. So I showed up at the party “all dolled up”…wearing an emerald green dress with gold accessories (my husband had rarely seen me in a dress, because I hated wearing them). I walked in and he was sitting at the table with my best-friend’s husband. I walked to their table, because I had to say hi to my friend, and my husband could not take his eyes off of me. I hugged everyone at the table and held out my right hand to shake his hand, but he jumped up out of his chair and hugged me. Then I walked to my table and began mingling with my friends. He looked so out of place, and I later found out that he had broken things off with the girl and was living with his sister. There was so much sadness in his eyes, but he was no longer my business; he was God’s.

On the late afternoon of August 17, 2008 my husband called me out of the blue and asked me if I would meet him for coffee, and I reluctantly agreed. Then I called my boy-friend at the time and asked for his permission, even though I had already accepted the invitation. The boyfriend gave his consent, and I met my hubby that Wednesday night, while on my way to a business trip. We had dinner and sat across from each other. I was bubbly and energetic, and he looked gloomy and sad. We ate dinner in an hour and I was in a hurry to leave. He walked me to the parking lot, where so much happened…. He hugged me and asked me to forgive him, but without looking at him, I pulled away and told him I had forgiven him a long time ago, and that I was saddened that we’d never find out why our marriage had not worked. I looked at him and his eyes were full of tears. I hugged him again, and got into my car and left. The next day, he called and wanted to communicate, but I wouldn’t respond.

Meanwhile, the problems with the “boyfriend” got more intense and I ended that relationship in a moment of rage. I attempted to work things out with him, but he was too prideful and stubborn. But it all worked out, because having him out of my life enabled me to be receptive to my husband’s attempts to romance me. He asked me out on another date, upon my return from my business trip and it was then that he asked for forgiveness and asked me to give him another chance. Even though my pride was still alive and well, I still could not walk away and end it right then and there. Eventually, I reluctantly accepted his proposal to get to know each other once more, but in the back of my head I was thinking, “How dare you try to come back like nothing happened?” Well, that prideful, self-righteous, unforgiving attitude ended up affecting us later on that week. We spent Labor Day weekend together and we had an argument on the last day. And he stopped calling and texting me like he had been doing up until the argument, and I lost it. I wanted to call him, and tell him “How dare you come back and romance me and then at the drop of a dime, cut off all forms of communication with me.” But by God’s grace and mercy, I held back. Then that night, I cried so much that I thought I had stopped breathing, and then I became angry with myself; wondering why it was affecting me so much; after all, I had lived without him for the past two and a half years, and I could do it again. So I cried out to God, and that’s when He made me realize that I had a big chip on my shoulder, and that I was looking down on my husband, with an “I knew you’d come back” attitude. That was a terrible attitude to have, and God showed me how displeasing it was to him and just how much I truly loved my husband. So I cried out for forgiveness on a Wednesday, and the following Saturday, my husband called me again. We met each other again and we’ve been glued to each other ever since, and we’re getting remarried this Saturday night.

God gets ALL of the Glory for our restoration, for with Him ALL things are possible. Don’t rely on your own will, because that will always fail. With every day that goes by, God is showing me how he answers my prayers when I don’t like what my husband is doing, or how he is acting. I have to take those concerns to him and not nag, criticize or complain to my husband. God has him, and most importantly, he has our marriage.

My husband has been attending church for a few months now, which he has made clear that he intends to continue doing. And even though he’s always been romantic, now it’s to a whole new extreme. Praise the LORD! God truly showed me His Mercy and Grace, and he will do the same for you. So don’t give up; focus on allowing God to “fix” YOU, because as He is fixing you, He is faithfully fixing your spouse too. Remember, if we could have fixed our spouses, we wouldn’t have ended up temporarily separated. I say temporarily because God WILL restore!

Love,
MNO

Since there’s still so much conversation about forgiveness (mostly about the lack of it) in the FAM Fellowship, I want to share a link to a previous Seeds Of Faith post, Recognizing and Overcoming Unforgiveness, which I know is just as relevant and vital today as it was then…and ALWAYS will be!

But it’s also very important to note that forgiveness is something that takes place in OUR hearts and that it’s a matter between us and God and NOT something we should tell someone we’ve done when they haven’t even asked to be forgiven! Just imagine how it would feel if someone came to yu and said that they forgave yu for something you didn’t even think you had done wrong or weren’t even aware of? Yeah, it might have made THEM feel better, but it sure wouldn’t make YOU feel very good! The only way to DEMONSTRATE forgiveness is to love UNCONDITIONALLY, so we need to get over the misguided notion that we’re supposed to offer forgiveness to someone who has not asked for it or at least indicated that they don’t feel worthy of our forgiveness. Even though this was covered in a recent post, it appears to be a bigger issue than I realized, so I just want to reinforce that forgiveness is a lot more about what God is doing in our hearts and that if it’s something we think we need to tell someone who hasn’t asked for it, we might need to examine our motives. More than likely, it means that we haven’t let go completely and we still think God needs our help; that there’s something we can and need to say to effect a change in our spouses’ hearts, minds and spirits. But that’s not true; God is the one who has to bring about that change and as long as we keep trying to do HIS work, we probably aren’t going to be too happy with the results.

Since one of the most healing things we can do for broken relationships is to ASK to be forgiven, I’ll work on a future post; perhaps sharing some of the powerful and amazing testimonies of what has happened when FAM members truly understood THEIR own sin and mistakes and humbled themselves before their spouses (and even others) and asked for forgiveness! When we TRULY humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God, we will see that even though our spouses have wronged us, we have done plenty wrong ourselves, and are therefore not quite so entitled to focus on all that we need to forgive, which might well call the sincerity of our forgiveness into question. And when we understand that and the wisdom and power gained by living according to the scripture references in the above post, we will truly be blessed and encouraged!

A visitor to the website forwarded a link to the following message from Beth Moore this morning. It’s very short, but vitally important for everyone standing for marriage restoration to get! So I want to share it here because I’m sure everyone will appreciate it and be blessed and encouraged by it. Thanks, Nan!

A Quick Word with Beth Moore

(Note from Linda: I really love this message from Lorraine today, because it is something every man and woman standing for marriage restoration really needs to understand; no matter what happens; no matter how bad things seem…Genesis 50:20 assures us that God means it for good! So be blessed and encouraged!)

*****
“Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die.” Job 2:9

When you read the story of Job, did you ever wonder why God didn’t allow Job’s wife to be taken from him? After all, he lost all his livestock, his servants, his children and his health- he lost everything except his wife. Of all the things that the Lord could have left him with, why did He leave a wife that was anything less than edifying, why leave him with someone who was going to discourage him by encouraging him to curse God and die? Why didn’t He at least leave him with someone who could help comfort him, someone who would minister to him, someone who would pray with him and help lift his burden?

The answer is not clear until you look at the end of the book. “He had also seven sons and three daughters.” (Job 42:1) When God restored everything that Job lost, the restoration included children. Let me ask you a question: How was God going to give Job back children without someone to bare those children? God kept Job’s wife because she was the instrument through which part of Job’s restoration and his blessing was going to come.

It makes me think about Paul’s thorn in the flesh. Paul prayed for it’s removal but God didn’t remove it. What seemed as a “bad” thing to Paul was actually an instrument used by God to bring something greater into Paul’s life.

Sometimes those things that we think are a “curse” in our life, sometimes those things that we think the Lord should take away, sometimes those things in our lives that
look like they are against us, are actually the very thing that God is going to use to bring a blessing into our lives through. Job’s wife was part of the restoration process. The thorn in Paul’s flesh was an instrument to cause the power of Christ to rest upon him. That thing in your life that you think is a hindrance or obstacle to God’s plan for your life may actually be part of the process to bring about God’s plan for your life.

Have a great day. What looks like a curse, may actually be the thing that brings the blessing.

*****
Coffee Break is a morning devotional written by Lorraine Ezell, and available online and sent by email free of charge for the asking from About the Master’s Business Ministry, Inc.
So please feel free to call Lorraine at (601) 833-5278 or E-mail her at mastersbusiness@bellsouth.net
And you can visit her on the web at MastersBusiness.org.

I thank God for a man of such great courage and integrity as Dr. Charles Stanley and the way God used him to speak to me this morning, and pray for the Lord’s overwhelming favor and blessings to abound in his life! Our nation would surely be blessed if we had more Christian leaders with the courage and integrity to speak God’s truth so boldly and unashamedly as Dr. Stanley did in his TV broadcast this morning! And I thank God that He used Dr. Stanley’s message to bring the realization and conviction that I’ve tried to avoid doing the same thing because it might be politically offensive. But the ONLY one any of us should ever fear offending is our God and maker, which means that His Word MUST be applied to any and ALL areas of our lives. We have to realize that as men and women of God, if we don’t take a stand for something, we can and will fall for anything. And the only way to stand without certain destruction is by living and acting in full accordance with the Word of God; by doing what the Word tells us to do and by not doing what the Word tells us not to do. And that applies to nations as well as to individuals as the Bible makes abundantly clear. So as we make what might well be the most important decision this country has ever faced when we head out to the polls next month, I hope and pray that every man and woman proclaiming the name of Christ as Lord and Savior will consider and heed the warning Jesus gave in Luke 6:46-49, and seriously ask ourselves how we can call Him Lord, Lord when we don’t do what He says. Jesus said “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”
Our country is in one of the most perilous times of our existence and if we allow ANY consideration other than what we know is right and wrong according to the Word of God to persuade us to elect men and women we know so unashamedly and unabashedly support abortion and the gay lifestyle, which we know are abominations to God (not “gay bashing” on my part since I have two immediate family members who are gay); then we have no one but ourselves to blame for the collapse and complete destruction of this country. We can not leave our identity and responsibility as Christians to uphold and honor the Word of God at the door when we go into the voting booth. Whether we like it or not, and whether we realize it or not, we are not voting for personalities or political parties; we are voting in support of the positions they hold by endowing them with the legal authority to make their positions the law of this land. It’ is therefore imperative that we elect men and women who will defend and stand up for our rights as Christians to live according to the beliefs and values we hold dear instead of those whose ideology and votes would serve to endanger, restrict or deny them.

Since prayer was legally banned in public schools in 1963 and our country put its seal of approval on the slaughter of millions of innocent children when abortion was legalized ten years later (the numbers are staggering!) in 1973, the United States has slowly but surely been moving away from being a Christian nation and if we continue on this path, we should not be surprised when God removes His hand of favor and protection and actually raises His hand of judgment against us. If not, He would be a liar and He would owe Sodom and Gomorrah an apology!

Thankfully, as Dr. Stanley points out in his message, A Nation in Need of Prayer, You can follow Dr. Stanley’s message and read the scripture references by using his Sermon Outline. As Dr. Stanley’s message points out; God promises to have mercy on us as His people and to heal our land when we follow His instructions in 2 Chronicles 7:13-15, which says “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.

As I was looking for a different verse to include here, I came across Job 36:21 and couldn’t believe how powerfully true and appropriate it is; it says Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer to affliction. Sadly, that is so true of many Americans these days who seem much more concerned with what someone promises to give us or how they will make our lives easier instead of where they stand on moral issues; anything to avoid discomfort, pain or delay in getting what we want, which often leads us to turn a blind eye to what we know is evil in the sight of God and rationalize and justify voting for men and women we absolutely know will trample His commandments at every turn. But Satan never comes up and taps us on the shoulder and says “hey, I’m over here doing this or that to kill, steal and destroy you.” Yet he is. So we all need to be very mindful of doing and supporting anything and anyone that opposes the Word of God because God is the same yesterday, today and forever, and in Jeremiah 50:24-26, He said I set a trap for you, O Babylon, and you were caught before you knew it; you were found and captured because you opposed the LORD. The LORD has opened his arsenal and brought out the weapons of his wrath, for the Sovereign LORD Almighty has work to do in the land of the Babylonians. Come against her from afar. Break open her granaries; pile her up like heaps of grain. Completely destroy her and leave her no remnant.

As men and women standing for the restoration of our marriages and families, we know all too well what happens when we are disobedient to the Word of God or just ignorant about what it teaches. So please listen to Charles Stanley’s message and commit to fasting and praying for the future of our country. Otherwise I fear that we are like sheep being led to the slaughter; as God told us in Hosea 4:6, My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge. “Because you have rejected knowledge, I also reject you as my priests; because you have ignored the law of your God, I also will ignore your children.

God has really blown FAM members away this past week with His amazing faithfulness to powerfully confirm how absolutely necessary it is to forgive our spouses if we expect to see our marriages and families restored. It’s been amazing to see how many FAM members realized that they really hadn’t forgiven their spouses even though they thought they had, and then the change that brought about in their attitudes. It’s also been very interesting and enlightening to see how many members acknowledge that they now feel peace they hadn’t experienced before, which just confirms so many passages of scripture; many of which were included in a previous Seeds Of Faith post, The Plank in our own Eye.

Understanding the Difference Humility Makes was the topic of FAM Chat last night and it was amazing to see how the connection between our inability to walk in humility and our inability to forgive was expressed so strongly. And another interesting and revealing point that was made over and over again was the intense pain members experienced when they finally stopped focusing on their spouses’ wrong doing long enough to see how they had not been the spouses they should have been and then fully recognized the harm and pain that caused their spouses. So perhaps that’s the underlying reason it is so difficult to stop worrying about the specks in our spouses’ eyes long enough to remove the planks in ours; we just don’t want to feel the pain or accept our share of the responsibility for the destruction of our marriages and families. Yet, as the Bible verses in the above SOF post make abundantly clear, we have to do that if we truly want the forgiveness WE need and the grace to sincerely walk in humility before our spouses and under the mighty hand of God! And as we’ve also seen so powerfully illustrated in the testimonies of our members in the past week or so; when we do that, God works in ways far beyond anything we could ever expect or imagine! It’s almost hard to believe how drastically we’ve seen the dynamic of so many relationships change in a matter of days or less just because members finally understood this and allowed the Holy Spirit to work in THEM and transform THEIR hearts!!!

Another very important revelation so much discussion about forgiveness brought about through the week and in FAM Chat last night is that many standers make the mistake of thinking they need to tell their spouses that they have forgiven them…whether they have asked for it or not. But I literally cringe and wince whenever I hear a man or woman say that they’ve told their spouse that they have forgiven them, because I know they have no idea of how self-righteous, judgmental and sanctimonious that sounds. So let’s just put ourselves in our spouses’ place and then try to understand from their perspective how they might feel. If we have no conviction that we’ve done wrong or feel totally justified for whatever reason we’ve used to rationalize our behavior, thereby feeling no need to be forgiven (especially by someone we believe has wronged US); how are we likely to process an offer of forgiveness we don’t feel we need? Well, more than likely, our first response would be to go on the defensive and to feel resentful because of the implied accusation and blame in such a statement. And in that process, we will more than likely mentally recall every single reason we’ve done what we’re doing or have done and why we feel totally justified, which probably doesn’t bode well for the person offering unsolicited forgiveness, because it just brings a lot of negative emotions and attitudes right back to the surface. So we have to understand that the only time to voice forgiveness to our spouses is when they ASK for it or at least indicate that they don’t feel deserving of it. I just don’t understand how we could reach the conclusion that offering forgiveness to some who isn’t asking for it is supposed to make THEM feel better; that’s just not logical. And it indicates that we’re a LOT more focused on the speck in their eye instead of dealing with the plank in our own eye! So instead of telling our spouses that we forgive them, we have to learn to demonstrate it in our tone, attitudes and actions. Actions really do speak so much louder than words!

On the other hand, just imagine the difference it would make if instead of making sure that our spouses know how godly and righteous we are by letting them know that we have forgiven them, we were to ask THEM to forgive US! They obviously won’t go on the defensive then and more than likely they will be stunned, especially if that’s the first time they’ve ever heard us acknowledge that we’ve hurt and wronged them, and contributed to the downfall of our marriages. And for the first time, they would actually understand that OUR forgiveness is possible (based on their own conviction and not our self-righteous condemnation), and we’ve created an atmosphere of grace, which is absolutely necessary for our spouses to realize that redemption is possible, because without redemption, restoration isn’t possible either.

Similarly, in FAM Chat last night, several members shared that they had attempted to forgive their spouses by stating “I choose to forgive my spouse…I choose to forgive the NCP…” and even address God with that as a prayer, but that it didn’t seem to work. BUT…that’s again focusing on the sin of our spouses and their partners in adultery, which does not please God. Additionally, it only reinforces in our own hearts, minds and spirits that our spouses and the NCPs have done something that we need to forgive and it doesn’t encourage or direct us to deal with the plank in our own eye instead. So perhaps whenever we find ourselves focusing on the wrong and sin of our spouses, we should ask the Lord to show us OUR SIN…anything in US that is displeasing to Him, and ask Him to pull it up by the root. There’s no doubt that if we start doing that every time we’re tempted to think of everything our spouses have done wrong, we won’t keep doing it for long; especially once God starts revealing what He finds just as displeasing in us…which He is VERY faithful to do when we ask! And we can’t read 2 Corinthians 10:6 without realizing how vitally important that is, because it says And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

Since God tells us that we are to forgive others as we’ve been forgiven, forgiveness begins with us. So we have to acknowledge our sin before God, repent and stop doing it, do our best to make amends when possible and ACCEPT the mercy, grace and forgiveness Jesus died to give us. So it’s important to understand the difference between conviction and condemnation. God brings conviction so that we will recognize the error of our ways to lead us to repentance and CHANGE. But the devil brings condemnation to make us feel unworthy and hopeless, which causes us to get discouraged and to give up; just one more way he comes to steal, kill and destroy! So read Romans 8, and when thoughts of being victimized assail your mind, just speak out loud that you are a victor in Christ and not a victim; that you’re a joint heir with Jesus and when God is for you, who can be against you! And then read the awesome promises that await all of us from our loving Father when we repent and turn from our sin in Isaiah 55! What a beautiful portrait of restoration! So let’s turn from our wicked ways and evil thoughts and trust and obey the Lord as we rely on HIS grace and the power and promise of His Word and the work of the Holy Spirit to renew and transform our hearts, minds and spirits; so we can truly forgive our spouses and God can make our paths to full and complete marriage restoration straight (Proverbs 3:5-6)! And remember that from God’s perspective, the difference between unforgiveness and forgiveness is pride and humility and disobedience and obedience. So when we choose to forgive and to walk in humility and obedience, we will be blessed and encouraged beyond belief because we will see that restoration really does begin with forgiveness!

As always, I’m just blown away by how God is ever so faithful to uphold and confirm His Word and the messages He wants to get across to us, which we’ve really been blessed to witness in a very powerful way once again! There always seems to be some kind of theme running through the ministry, and over the past week or so, the theme seems to be overcoming our flesh and crushing our pride, and even more particularly about recognizing our mistakes and acknowledging them before our spouses as we LET THEM GO. We have several FAM members in the middle of divorce processes and that’s NEVER easy to handle the way the Bible teaches instead of the way the world (including Christian leaders) encourages and condones. But we can’t do things the way of the world and expect to get God’s results. So we’ve had a bit of discussion about that on the private website over the past week, and I’ve been discussing it in even more detail in numerous private conversations.

The day before MNO (member name omitted) was to meet her husband for the first time in months, one of our ladies with a restored marriage shared a very powerful testimony about her own experience in response to something I wrote in response to another member’s post, and she shared with me how much of an impact that had on her and how it helped her realize that she needed to make some changes; particularly in terms of her responsibility to shield her children from adult issues and that she needed to encourage them to have a healthy and respectful relationship with their father. (It’s neat how God works that way!) She had been resisting her husband’s efforts to go ahead with a divorce and was really struggling with her pride and feelings of victimization when she joined the fellowship a month ago. But she very quickly decided to stop trying to stall and delay the divorce and to stop fighting her husband, and it’s been amazing to witness how their relationship immediately changed as the Lord started working on both of their hearts.. She had even expressed concern because she didn’t think she still felt the same way about her husband, but I assured her that when the time was right, all of those feelings would just come rushing back like a flood. I think God helps us deal with the pain of separation and divorce sometimes by using what I call “Holy anesthesia” so we don’t feel the pain so much; but when the time is right, it really does just come rushing back and usually stronger than ever! Anyway, MNO shared the following praise testimony on the private website last night, and I greatly appreciate her permission to share it here, because it’s such a powerful testimony of God’s unfailing faithfulness to lift us up when we humble ourselves under His mighty hand and submit to doing things HIS way instead of the way of our flesh…our pride! Of course, that is exactly what 1 Peter 5:5-6 assures us will happen, because it says Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Well, I’d say that God certainly lifted MNO up in “due time!”

*****
I saw my husband today for the first time in months, when he came over to sign a legal document regarding refinancing our house. And I thought he would come and leave as usual. My lawyer had instructed me that he should pay half of the refinance cost, and even though he was signing it, he didn’t want to share the finance charges. I was so upset and could feel the old me getting ready to yell and scream about why he wouldn’t pay. But I thought it wise to turn around for a second as I closed my eyes and prayed for God to give me strength, guidance, and wisdom. I turned back around and let it go. Yes, I said I let it go and just decided that I wasn’t going to allow myself to get angry.

Then as I held the legal document in my hand, I thanked him and expressed my appreciation for all that he’s done for our family. And then something else happened; I began to apologize for never saying “thank you.” I said that I had never thanked him for the beautiful house he gave me; for all that he’s done for me, including only asking for a minimal amount of money to cash out on our house. I apologized for taking him for granted and for never even letting those words come out of my mouth. He looked totally stunned as we looked into each others’ eyes. And he looked upset and moved by what I was saying as I continued to tell him how life is funny; how we all take things for granted. I told him that I was sorry that I never realized all that he had done for me, our family, and how much he tolerated without ever hearing those words from me. I told him that I realized all that he’s given up for me and our children; that he is a very intelligent man and knows all that he had given up, including offering to leave me as his beneficiary. I told him that our house is something we both could leave for our kids; that I never realized the things he gave and never once thought to say thank you for working, and for taking care of me even when I was ungrateful. SNO (spouse name omitted) looked so stunned and quite moved as I looked into his eyes and agreed as he shook his head and said “Yes.” He said “Yeah, this is a beautiful house.”

I even explained that I hadn’t shown him much respect while we were married; so the least I could do was show him the respect he was due through this divorce. And I said that I would always make sure that the kids knew that the house is our gift from him and that I could trust him with anything and knew that he would always do the best for our family. Then the words came out “I’m so sorry for it all and for never saying ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate you’.” Once again, he looked moved, and it took everything I had not to cry. I asked him if I should call our son in and he said no.

I gave him soccer pictures of our kids and he asked if anyone was going to be at their games; like my parents, aunts, or cousins. I told him that if he didn’t want anyone else there, I could guarantee that they wouldn’t be there and that all he ever has to do is say and never ask. I told him I would respect his wishes. I explained that if he ever needed or wanted anything, he never had to ask and to just tell me. We talked about my trip last week, last week’s soccer games and my new job. Also, I thanked him for taking care of me when I didn’t have the maturity to take care of myself or even to help him out by working more hours at work. We both agreed that where our life insurances and pensions are concerned, we want them to go to each other and our children.

This was one of the best conversations we’ve had in years. I told him he looked good and he thanked me for the compliment. I literally fell back in love with my husband as he looked confused by what I was saying. He looked as though he hasn’t been sleeping, tired, and a lot older. At some point, I asked if he thought we should put trees in the back yard, explaining that I value his opinion. He asked “We?” And I said this will always be our house and I hope I didn’t offend him by referring to it that way. But he said that he had no problem with that. This had to be the longest conversation we’ve had alone in a long time and it’s the first time we were alone in about a year and a half.

I learned today that I can put my husband before myself, my pride, and even my own selfish agenda. And I reconnected with someone I’ve missed for such a long time; discovering the SNO I fell in love with so long ago. I never thought I could see my husband change and soften right in front of my very eyes. But when we looked into each others’ eyes I saw the man I had hurt, taken for granted, and never once put before myself. Thank you, God, for blessing me with the love, wisdom, and guidance necessary to act like a wife today. It was by my dying to self tonight and humbling myself under the mighty hand of God and before my husband as I apologized, sincerely complemented him, and showed my husband the respect he is due that a different man left our home tonight.

*****
Even before MNO had called to tell me about how her meeting with her husband went, I had decided to check the archived Seeds Of Faith messages to see what I had written about pride in the past and asked our secretary, who has the titles cataloged by links, to send me what she had on pride. And I really couldn’t believe it when I read Overcoming Pride! I couldn’t believe how appropriate and timely that EXACT same message was for yesterday, so I decided to republish it and was actually in the process of doing that when MNO called. She told me about her meeting with her husband and I told her that I couldn’t believe what a powerful example that was of overcoming pride and how that was what the /SOF post was going to be about! So I asked her to write a post for the private site, which she would have eventually done, but I wanted to share it here along with the above Seeds Of Faith post from over two years ago. So I hope and pray that we all can learn from MNO’s powerful testimony of how God works when we humble ourselves before our spouses and in trust and obedience to him…what a difference humility makes! To the extent we get that and put it into practice, we will be blessed and encouraged!