In response to my post yesterday about How We Know God Wants Us To Stand for our marriages, a regular visitor to the website posted the following question:

“I read in a marriage restoration manual from another marriage restoration website that the “divorce for marital unfaithfulness” that Jesus referred to in Matt. 19:1-9 was directed towards the bride-to-be and bridegroom-to-be during their 1-year “betrothal period” PRIOR to marriage, which was the Jewish custom at the time. Therefore, Jesus did not permit divorce for individuals who were ALREADY married, but rather forgiveness was required. Can you please comment on this? God Bless…!”

So my post today is in response to Dave’s question, which I really appreciate, because that was one of the controversies I had in mind when I said I wasn’t going to get into all of the controversies, and it provides an opportunity to address a very important issue. So thank you, Dave, for such a great question!

First and foremost, Deuteronomy 12:32 (NKJV) tells us “Whatever I command you, be careful to observe it; you shall not add to it nor take away from it.
However, there’s an awful lot of adding to and taking away from the plain meaning of God’s written word when it comes to the majority of opinions and practices in matters of marriage, divorce and remarriage in today’s Christian church. But God’s word is complete and flawless; perfect… and requires NO additional information outside of what it contains to make its meaning and intent clear, as confirmed in the following verses:

Proverbs 30:5-6 - “Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.

Revelation 22:18 - I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book.

Psalm 19:7 - The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple.

Psalm 19:9 - The fear of the LORD is pure, enduring forever. The ordinances of the LORD are sure and altogether righteous.

That makes using other passages of scripture the ONLY reliable and sure way to define, explain and understand what the Bible means, which might be most effectively accomplished by topical Bible study. It also means that we can NOT draw conclusions about one passage of scripture contrary to ANY other passage of scripture, because the Bible does not contradict or challenge itself. Sadly, that is what discredits many leading preachers and teachers today when it comes to understanding and explaining what the Bible teaches about marriage, divorce and remarriage, and even how adultery figures into the mix. However, when there appear to be contradictions, there’s always a place somewhere in the middle, allowing both passages to be true, which usually means that one is true up to a point and then the other applies. But one verse or passage of scripture can never be used to invalidate or cancel out the other. Yet that’s exactly what a lot of the modern interpretations of biblical teachings concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage require, which creates a great deal of confusion, and we know that is not of God, because 1 Corinthians 14:33 (NKJV) tells us For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.

Now, getting to Dave’s question, the following passages of scripture are the ones often used to help prop up the opinion that Jesus was not referring to marital unfaithfulness AFTER marriage, but rather to the “betrothal” period of one year before the couple started living in the same home and the marriage was consummated:

Matthew 1:18 - This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 1:24-25 - When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

Luke 1:26-27 - In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary.

Matthew 1:19-20 - Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.

It’s interesting to note that the above verses ALL either say that Mary and Joseph were “pledged to be married”, or that Joseph TOOK HER HOME TO BE his wife. So contrary to what many state and firmly believe, the Bible does NOT refer to them as being married, even though they had entered into a contractual obligation to BE married. However, Matthew 1:19 does refer to Joseph as Mary’s husband and says that he considered “divorcing” her, which obviously indicates the seriousness of breaking off a betrothal in that day, because it was just as disgraceful as divorce, especially if there was ONLY one lawful reason for it. But even if that assumption were true, NOTHING written there indicates that a man doesn’t have the same right if the same kind of behavior (sexual immorality and indecency or fornication) occurs AFTER the marriage has been consummated. And Matthew 1:19-20 (AMP) actually says And her [promised] husband Joseph, being a just and upright man and not willing to expose her publicly and to shame and disgrace her, decided to repudiate and dismiss (divorce) her quietly and secretly. But as he was thinking this over, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, Joseph, descendant of David, do not be afraid to take Mary [as] your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of (from, out of) the Holy Spirit. So even though the period of betrothal in Jesus’ time was a much more significant and binding obligation than engagements today, it’s quite a stretch to say it was the same thing as being married based on what the above scriptures themselves actually say. Then the most common argument used to support the opinion that Matthew 19:1-9 does not make provision for remarriage even if adultery was the cause for divorce, is the use of the word porneia in the original text, instead of the word moicheia, which they believe has a very limited definition and refers ONLY to sex before marriage. In Addition to not being true based on how the word is used elsewhere in the Bible, the word moicheia doesn’t appear in this passage at all, and since that’s the ONLY word they believe means adultery as we understand it, the whole meaning of the passage is turned on its head; because to accept their definition, the only other meaning would have to be that anyone guilty of fornication (any kind of sexual behavior outside of marriage - based on their limited definition) could NEVER get married! But here’s what it actually says:
When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
In addition to misstating the meaning of porneia, based on it’s use throughout the Bible, it takes very strange logic to conclude that this passage does not refer to a man and woman who are married, and already in a “consummated” one flesh relationship and LIVING together, because the passage itself makes no sense otherwise. If that were not so, we’d have to believe the Pharisees were only asking about betrothed couples, because that’s the only way Jesus’ answer would have applied just to couples who were not living together and who had not yet consummated their marriage. But since a man and woman did NOT leave their parents’ house to live together as husband and wife UNTIL AFTER the time of betrothal had passed and THEY WERE MARRIED, and Jesus would have known that’s what the Pharisees were talking about, He wouldn’t have made a reference to leaving mother and father…UNLESS He WAS talking about couples that were already married and living together. And since the Bible makes it very clear that a man and woman are made one through sexual union, there seems little doubt that Jesus could have been talking exclusively about betrothed couples! And IF the women referred to in this passage were still living with their parents, wouldn’t it be rather difficult for their husbands to “send them away” as stated in the original question? So, by examining the actual words of this particular passage of scripture (and reviewing the custom and law spelled out in the Old Testament), there is NO reasonable and logical basis for concluding that Jesus was NOT talking about married couples just as we think of married couples today and not just women who were expected to be virgins on their wedding night.

And just as a note of further interest and information; the following verses are the only two places in the New Testament where the word moicheia (the only word some consider adultery) as we understand it today) appears:

Matthew 15:19 - For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.

Mark 7:21-22 - For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.

Also, for anyone interested in a better understanding of the “porneia” vs. “moicheia” debate, I found this link which has a very detailed description and explanation of the differences and distinction made between porneia and moicheia, which is what I believe anyone concluding that there are no grounds for divorce and remarriage fails to understand, in addition to all of the other reasons stated above that it’s not logical to conclude that adultery is not grounds for divorce based on what Jesus taught in Matthew 19:1-9.

Having said all of the above, I have absolutely NO doubt that the Lord ALWAYS prefers and desires forgiveness and marriage restoration, because He hates divorce and the irreparable harm it causes, especially for the children. But I also find no reasonable basis to deny that Jesus’ own words make divorce and remarriage an option if for some reason forgiveness and restoration are not possible when our spouses have committed adultery. And that might well be because Jesus knew that the day would come when adulterers would no longer be put to death, which at that time meant the surviving spouse would be free to remarry. Knowing what we do about the nature and character of God, it seems very unlikely that His just and righteous judgment would ever require injured and abandoned parties to suffer loss or negative consequences due to the grace now extended to their adulterous spouses because in His mercy, their lives are spared. And I believe we do a great disservice to the Word of God and His intent when we try to relegate its relevance and meaning only to the time it was written, because God knows EVERYTHING from the beginning to the end and His Word is written accordingly, which means Jesus knew the day would come when those caught in adultery would no longer be put to death.

Posted Wednesday, December 27th, 2006 at 6:09 pm in Seeds Of Faith.