In the past few days, the Lord has brought it to my attention that we probably need to revisit the “basics” of marriage restoration more often than we tend to, and there’s nothing more basic or more important when standing for the restoration of our marriages than having the confidence that comes with the knowledge that it’s what God wants us to do. And even though most of us might not struggle with “hearing” from God about standing for the restoration of our marriages and families, many people do, especially new Christians. And some of the terminology we use just adds to the confusion, especially when we say things like “God told me to stand for my marriage.” Or “I know God called me to stand for my marriage.” And we often tell people they need to “hear from God”. But sometimes that causes new Christians standing for marriage restoration to doubt or question what they’re doing, because they think they have to hear the audible voice of God, or that we experienced some kind of amazing supernatural communication from the Lord telling us that He was going to restore our marriages. And even though some standers are blessed with testimonies like that, more than likely it WON’T happen that way to most of us.

And even though this is not a very complicated issue for those standing for the restoration of first marriages, it’s not so simple for those like me who are standing for a subsequent marriage, and ignoring or denying that accomplishes no good purpose. Yet, because it is not what some of us want to hear, it’s often swept under the carpet or not addressed at all. Or it’s discussed in vague terms intended to leave the interpretation open to meet the desires and needs of those who hear it. Sadly, that’s exactly what 2 Timothy 4:3 foretold, because it says For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. But if we believe what John 8:31-32 tells us, we know that’s not in our best interest when we want to hear from God and we’re seeking the truth, because it says To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” So perhaps the reason we don’t revisit the “basics” very often is because even though it is very good news for many, we know it could be painful or discouraging for others. But the bottom line for all of us is that whatever we do, it must be based on what the Bible teaches, because God will NEVER call us to do something contrary to His written word, and we’ll never hear anything from Him that is contrary to what is written in the Bible. So even though I feel led to share this message to provide assurance and encouragement for those standing for the restoration of their first marriages, it’s not possible to do that without at least acknowledging how it may impact anyone standing for subsequent marriages, which I will address later, though only in a very limited fashion. So I pray now for the Lord to speak and minister to all of us through the power of His word and the power of the Holy Spirit as we examine what His word teaches us about how He views marriage and divorce, and how we can be certain that He WILL work with us against the forces of hell for the restoration of our marriages, and that it does NOT take a supernatural experience to KNOW that God hates divorce and that it is always His will to see our troubled marriages restored, even though He may permit remarriage in certain circumstances.

First, we need to understand what Jesus told us about God’s plan and intention concerning marriage and divorce, as he very clearly stated and revealed in Matthew 19:1-9:
When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

While Jesus made God’s position on marriage and divorce, and when God considers remarriage adultery, so clear and simple in the above verses, it has still become a matter of great controversy and conflict in the Christian church today, even though the following verses make it just as clear that God HAS NOT changed his mind (AND NEVER WILL) about marriage and divorce, regardless of ANY other scripture, because NO passage of scripture can EVER be interpreted to mean something totally contrary to another passage:

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Numbers 23:19
God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?

1 Samuel 15:29
He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind.”

James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

Obviously, from the very beginning, AND NOW, God intended the marriage relationship to be a “one flesh” covenant relationship, where a man and a woman would forsake their mothers and fathers to be joined together and that they are then NO LONGER TWO, but one, AND He said that NO MAN or woman SHOULD SEPARATE them after that union. Period! That means that NO wisdom, NO plan, NO insight, and NO law or judge can succeed against the will of God and separate or put asunder what HE has joined together. So that should be enough to settle once and for all the question of God’s will and make it clear that He always wants and prefers us to stand for the restoration of our marriages, meaning that’s a question we don’t really have to ask. And even though it’s also clear that God does NOT consider remarriage after divorce adultery if adultery was the cause for divorce, there’s no doubt that He would prefer that our hearts not be hardened and that we would choose to forgive the sin of adultery instead of using our spouses’ sin to justify divorce, because He hates divorce and the pain it causes. And we know that because Malachi 2:15-16 (NKJV) tells us that God hates divorce and confirms what Jesus said about how God sees it, because it says:
But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”
Not only does that confirm what Jesus said about the one flesh relationship of marriage; it also graphically illustrates God’s understanding of the violent harm caused by the agonizing pain of marital separation and when marriages and families are put asunder by divorce, which is why He says He hates divorce and warns us against committing such treachery. And Malachi 2:13-14 demonstrates the VERY strong stand God takes AGAINST divorce and those who divorce their spouses, and how we CAN count on HIM to act as THE witness on our behalf, because it says Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. So let’s not forget the awesome promise we have in Romans 8:31, which says What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?…because God’s quite obviously NOT on the side of anyone seeking or causing divorce!

So when we truly understand God’s plan and intention for marriage as a one flesh relationship, how much He HATES divorce and that HE is the one acting as the witness to our marriage vows as we stand for the restoration of our marriages, we will have the confidence we need to trust and rely on God to do everything He promises in the following verses:

John 14:13
And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.

John 15:7
If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.

John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

John 16:23
In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

Then in addition to knowing that we’re in the will of God, which IS a requirement for asking something in the name of Jesus, when we decide to stand for the restoration of our marriages, the following verses assure us of His power and ability to bring His will to pass:

Isaiah 55:10-11
As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 46:10-11
I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please. From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose. What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.

While all of the above passages of scripture are sure to provide great and encouraging words for anyone standing for the restoration of a clearly covenant marriage (first marriage for both husband and wife), they may just as easily be very disheartening and discouraging words for someone standing for the restoration of a marriage not meeting that criteria, especially when adultery was not the reason for divorce in earlier marriages for either the husband or wife. And no matter how painful or difficult it is, these ARE questions that we have to address in our own relationship and communion with the Lord, because if we have any doubts about whether or not the Lord is behind us as we stand for the restoration of our marriages, we can be absolutely certain Satan will do his best to use them to discourage and defeat us at every opportunity. That’s why when standing for subsequent marriages, it is especially important to spend time seriously studying the Bible along with a lot of prayer and fasting, because that’s one time when successfully standing for marriage restoration WILL probably require hearing something supernaturally from the Lord. The best way to make the point needed here is to share the testimony of two women I’ve ministered to who were standing for the restoration of second marriages.

The first woman was divorced twice, with adult children from her first marriage, and young children from her second marriage. She divorced her first husband because she wasn’t happy and felt he was verbally abusive and they were both Christians. Her second husband had divorced her because he was involved with another woman, but she was standing for the restoration of that marriage. The first night I talked to her, the Holy Spirit told me that I HAD to tell her that she was standing for the wrong marriage (at that time I didn’t know everything I’ve just shared about her situation), and to my total surprise, she didn’t get angry when I did! Her spirit recognized the truth of what I was led to say and she accepted that she’d just be single for the rest of her life, because she said she could not go back to her first husband, even though he was still standing for their marriage. Since that time, her second husband has married the other woman and they have a child together, but she still has no relationship with her first husband, and we still keep in touch with each other. She is at peace and enjoying her kids as she focuses on being a single mother.

The second woman married a divorced man, who to the best of her knowledge did not have biblical grounds to divorce his first wife and remarry. But that was her first marriage and they had one young child together when he divorced her. When the opportunity presented itself as the result of her continual questions about whether or not she was supposed to stand for her marriage, I gently pointed out that she probably didn’t have a covenant marriage in the first place, and since she was pretty sure her husband was involved with another woman, she would certainly have biblical grounds for release from the marriage and to remarry. She was always very strongly opposed to that though, so I never pushed it, other than reminding her once in awhile when she’d end up questioning it all over again, because as I tell myself and everyone else, when we’ve really heard from the Lord about something, we should have peace about it and it should be fully settled in our own hearts, minds and spirits, and when it’s not, something is wrong. We had similar conversations on a fairly regular basis and then one day recently, when her husband came to pick up their little one, he was wearing a wedding ring! Well, it certainly seems like that would be enough to help her “move on”, which is what she initially decided she would do. But that didn’t last long because after really crying out to the Lord and seeking answers, she was back to standing again! She is absolutely convinced she has heard from God and that He wants her to stand for her marriage. And it’s difficult to deny that the reasons she has appear to come from the Lord, even though that makes NO sense based on what we know and what the word says, which means she’s got to be wrong, or there’s something the Lord knows that we don’t know! For instance, what if the first wife had committed adultery, whether the husband knew about it or not. Or what if the first wife dies prematurely? So no one can tell this woman or anyone else that she hasn’t heard from the Lord just because we question it or don’t understand how such a stand can be in agreement with the word. Personally, I know I’ve shared the word with her, and she knows what it says, yet she still feels very strongly that the Lord is calling her to stand for her marriage. In the meanwhile, she’s focusing on her relationship with the Lord, enjoying witnessing opportunities the Lord is providing and raising her little one. She also has peace and is content to stand for her marriage, which she has made a commitment to do by remaining single or reconciling with her husband, which is what I did so many years ago.

While there are many questions and controversies that could easily be covered here, the important point is that God always wants marriages to be restored and He hates divorce, so it doesn’t take some kind of supernatural word from Him to know that He’d prefer us to stand for our marriages. And when we take a stand for something we know is in keeping with His written word, we have absolute assurance that He will stand with us and bring His word and will to pass. And if the marriage we’re standing for is not our first, when we diligently seek the Lord, He WILL answer us and give us the answers we need.

Since last Friday’s message from Marsha Burns seems so appropriate to include here, I hope you’ll be blessed and encouraged by it:
December 22, 2006: Let your heart be prepared to always have a hearty “amen and amen” to My word, to My instructions, and to My wisdom, says the Lord. Never hesitate to accept My truth and guidance even when your circumstances seem to be beyond help. The difficulty of a situation never alters truth, nor does it negate My word or power to bring you through. Refuse to allow fear or discouragement to cause your faith to be ineffective.
2 Corinthians 1:20 For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
You can read Small Straws by Marsha Burns at this link or sign up to receive her awesome messages by email each day.

Posted Tuesday, December 26th, 2006 at 11:47 am in Seeds Of Faith.