What Defines Our Identity
As women standing for marriage restoration, it is So important for us to understand that our attitudes will either make our situations better or worse, and that we’re NEVER going to have more than we’re willing to settle for. That’s something I learned very early in my life as someone growing up with a visual disability, which I’m sure has helped me in many ways as I’ve stood for my marriage in obedience to the Lord. Sadly, I’ve observed something in women standing for marriage restoration that I also noticed in many people with a disability, and that’s how they allow their marital problems or their disability to become their identity. As Proverbs 23:7 says, as we think in our hearts, so are we. What a waste of precious life and time! And what a waste of human potential and God’s glory! Allowing our lives to be defined, controlled and limited by our disabilities or the fact that our spouses have left us gives ABSOLUTELY NO GLORY to God, and I honestly believe those who don’t overcome the natural tendency to do that will Never experience marriage restoration.
Most people who know me tend to be impressed with all I manage to do, even though I don’t really do anything more than anyone else. The only reason they’re impressed is because they can’t imagine being able to do it if THEY couldn’t see. Yet, in Mark 9:23, Jesus said ” ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” In fact, I have no doubt that’s what drew my husband to me when I went to work for him. So I quite often remind people that everything works very well, except my eyes, and as women standing for marriage restoration, we need to adopt that same attitude. Just because our marriages are dysfunctional at the moment, we don’t have to allow the other areas of our lives to be dysfunctional as well. This is especially important when children are still in the home. It breaks my heart to see how much the children suffer as the result of their parents’ inability to deal with their problems in a way that protects them. Not only do they lose their father in many cases, but their mothers become so dysfunctional that they lose them too, because they’re not there for them emotionally. They’re so often too wrapped up in their own pain and disappointment, anger and bitterness, and feelings of hopelessness and despair to even recognize, much less meet, their children’s needs. So the kids become emotional orphans at a time when they actually need more from their moms than ever before. Instead of taking advantage of the extra time available while their husbands are out of the home to pay more attention to their children, to focus more on the nurturing they need at this stressful time in THEIR young and very impressionable lives, too many women are spending most of their time on the telephone talking about their marital woes. And even worse, in the presence of their children! I know these are harsh, and may even seem to be unkind words, but if we’re honest, we have to admit they’re true. And if we want to see what the awful consequences are in the lives of our children, we just have to look at these statistics.
Just as I had a choice to make about how I was going to allow my disability to limit, restrict or impair my life, I had the same choice to make again when my husband filed for divorce. I’m not going to lie and say I was not totally devastated, because I was. But there does come a time when we all have to decide if we’re going to allow those emotions to overcome us or if we’re going to overcome them. And I decided that I was a survivor, and that through the grace and strength of my Lord and Savior, I could and WOULD overcome this too. For all of us, this is a defining moment in our lives, especially in our lives as Christians. This is when, and where, the rubber meets the road. It’s time to decide whether or not we REALLY believe EVERYTHING we read in the Bible, or if we just give those powerful, life giving words meaningless lip service. We’ve all heard that we’re not supposed to be hearers of the word only, but we’re to be DOERS of the word as well, and I really like the straight forward way that’s put in James 1:22 (NIV), which says Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. It doesn’t get much simpler than that, and that’s the key to deciding and determining what we’re willing to settle for as we stand for the restoration of our marriages. The following verses are just a few that we need to study backwards and forwards. We need to read them over and over again until we KNOW them, until they are so ingrained into our hearts, minds and spirits, that NOTHING can take them away from us, as well as the peace and confidence they provide when we REALLY believe them.
Deuteronomy 32:9-11
For the LORD’s portion is his people, Jacob his allotted inheritance. In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye, like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions.
Isaiah 54:17
“See, it is I who created the blacksmith who fans the coals into flame and forges a weapon fit for its work. And it is I who have created the destroyer to work havoc; no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and this is their vindication from me,” declares the LORD.
Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Psalm 37:5-9
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
Proverbs 4:18
The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
Isaiah 58:8
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
There are SO many encouraging and awesome promises and assurances in the Bible, which is why it is SO important for us to continually read and study God’s word, especially since Romans 10:17 tells us Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. And studying and knowing what the Bible says is the only way we’ll be able to do as instructed in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, which says The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
So let’s not give Satan another day of glory by allowing the sin he has used to trap our husbands define who we are. Let’s do whatever it takes to understand and realize our identity in Christ, and learn to look at this time of trial in our lives as the verification of the awesome promise in Romans 8:17, which says Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Now that’s an identity worth settling for!